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Topic: mom showering with daughter
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summerlover44

10/6/2012 12:01:12 PM
Member since:
Dec 2011
Total posts:3
mom showering with daughter

How old do you think is too old for a daughter to keep showering with her mom?

 
 
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chocolatebar

10/6/2012 12:12:37 PM
Member since:
Mar 2007
Total posts:399
I think...

3 and over is getting gross...I have a two year old and I don't do shower's with her....I just think it's inappropriate, and I'm not a prude by any means...it's just gross...

traveller

10/6/2012 12:16:15 PM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:8965
>

mom with daughter, when ever daughter starts getting uncomfortable, she will let you know, in the swimming areas or whatever, maybe its ok forever, many women change in front of other women, no big deal that they are related

Gaea

10/6/2012 12:53:56 PM
Member since:
Aug 2010
Total posts:258
...

I have never showered with my kids, but I will change in front of them, they will see me in my towel, in my underwear, jammies, I often am in a tank top and panties or short shorts while around the house.  
 
Why is everyone so hung up on being clothed all the time? We are just teaching our kids to be ashamed of their bodies, and then wonder why the end up starving themselves as teenagers.

on-second-thought

10/6/2012 12:57:06 PM
Member since:
Jun 2011
Total posts:1624
...

As long as both are comfortable, then I see no big issue. Coming from a family with 10 kids, perhaps my sense of privacy is somewhat skewed.  
 
With my own kids, I think it was around school age.  
 

Mrs_H

10/6/2012 1:06:12 PM
Member since:
Mar 2012
Total posts:20
...

If either the parent or the child is uncomfortable then it is time to stop.  
 
To define a set age is impossible as kids are all different.  
 
I have a friend who will not let her 2 year old daughter and her 4 year old son bath together because it makes her uncomfortable. I do not think it is a big deal so I would make a different choice. All about comfort level.  
 
 

Michelle Budiwski

10/6/2012 1:11:15 PM
Member since:
Apr 2009
Total posts:8121
BEST

  
Madame said "I have never showered with my kids, but I will change in front of them, they will see me in my towel, in my underwear, jammies, I often am in a tank top and panties or short shorts while around the house.  
 
Why is everyone so hung up on being clothed all the time? We are just teaching our kids to be ashamed of their bodies, and then wonder why the end up starving themselves as teenagers. "

BEST. ANSWER. EVER.  
 

Tamara79

10/6/2012 1:16:01 PM
Member since:
Apr 2007
Total posts:2057
.......

my youngest daughter is 6, we havent showered together in years. Only because there really hasn't been a need-she has baths before her bedtime. Both their dad and I will shower with our 1 and 2 year old sons sometimes. Nudity isnt an issue in our house, and neither are our bodies. If the kids happen to see us not fully clothed, no one makes a big deal out of it.

Bunchastuff

10/6/2012 1:16:24 PM
Member since:
Aug 2011
Total posts:36
yup

well said madame

Sandy

10/6/2012 1:37:11 PM
Member since:
Nov 2006
Total posts:9109
:::

  
summerlover44 said "How old do you think is too old for a daughter to keep showering with her mom? "

Have you offered her a shower or bath on her own? Did she refuse?  
 
 
 
 

anonymous11111

10/6/2012 3:00:02 PM
Member since:
Mar 2010
Total posts:91
same sex = no problems

as long as the people in the shower are the same sex, age is not an issue as they have the same parts.  
 
there is nothing gross about showering with your kids unless you are doing something gross or the kids are (ie going #2 in the tub, not nice)  
 
in our house nudity is not an issue the kids go for bathes in the nude, as do we (their parents), if we see them or they see us in the nude, no big deal.

dallie

10/6/2012 3:56:50 PM
Member since:
Aug 2012
Total posts:379
::

I prefer the liberal approach...I teach, by example, that our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. That said, when it becomes awkward for you or your children, and it will (at least with opposite sex), then you will naturally adjust your behaviour.

sammy

10/6/2012 6:12:01 PM
Member since:
Sep 2010
Total posts:8090
...

i disagree with madame  
 
my parents never bathed or showered with us. us siblings/cousins would bathe with each other though. i am not ashamed of my body or have body issues or eating disorders. like another poster said some ppl are just more private then others, has nothing to do with embarrasment or shame. there are other ways to teach this then to shower/bath with your kids.  
 
having said that, i have no issues with parents bathing/showering with their children. i think its cute. if the child or parent is uncomfortabl then its time to stop. no big deal.

summerlover44

10/6/2012 7:24:16 PM
Member since:
Dec 2011
Total posts:3
The girl is 8+ years old

My friend recently found out that her step daughter is still showering with her mom. This girl is almost 8 1/2 years old.

sammy

10/6/2012 7:26:43 PM
Member since:
Sep 2010
Total posts:8090
:)

  
Madame said "I have never showered with my kids, but I will change in front of them, they will see me in my towel, in my underwear, jammies, I often am in a tank top and panties or short shorts while around the house.  
 
Why is everyone so hung up on being clothed all the time? We are just teaching our kids to be ashamed of their bodies, and then wonder why the end up starving themselves as teenagers. "

or the other way....  
 
why is everyone so hung up on being naked or dressed so skimpy? we are just teaching our kids to show of their bodies and then wonder why they end up pregnant as teenagers.  
 
i think the key is to find that healthy balance of confidence and modesty. keep it classy

summerlover44

10/6/2012 7:27:25 PM
Member since:
Dec 2011
Total posts:3
boundaries

I know for myself I stopped when my kids were around 4 or 5. It just felt very wrong. Not because it was sexual obviously, but because of their natural curiosity. To me it's not about being comfortable with being naked, it's about teaching and respecting proper boundaries to kids.

traveller

10/6/2012 7:46:38 PM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:8965
>:>:>:

  
sammy said "i disagree with madame  
 
my parents never bathed or showered with us. us siblings/cousins would bathe with each other though. i am not ashamed of my body or have body issues or eating disorders. like another poster said some ppl are just more private then others, has nothing to do with embarrasment or shame. there are other ways to teach this then to shower/bath with your kids.  
 
having said that, i have no issues with parents bathing/showering with their children. i think its cute. if the child or parent is uncomfortabl then its time to stop. no big deal. "

just curious, how would you describe your private feeling? there are times when i'm uncomfortable being naked say in the change room with lots of people but honestly what i feel is embarrassed and shy, nothing wrong with that imo but it is somewhat embarrassment, so i'm wondering, if for you it isn't what is it?  
 
ps you are right we don't all have to dress skimpy either, but i thought this was more about showering or being naked in semi private places

sammy

10/6/2012 7:55:34 PM
Member since:
Sep 2010
Total posts:8090
:)..

  
traveller said "
  
sammy said "i disagree with madame  
 
my parents never bathed or showered with us. us siblings/cousins would bathe with each other though. i am not ashamed of my body or have body issues or eating disorders. like another poster said some ppl are just more private then others, has nothing to do with embarrasment or shame. there are other ways to teach this then to shower/bath with your kids.  
 
having said that, i have no issues with parents bathing/showering with their children. i think its cute. if the child or parent is uncomfortabl then its time to stop. no big deal. "

just curious, how would you describe your private feeling? there are times when i'm uncomfortable being naked say in the change room with lots of people but honestly what i feel is embarrassed and shy, nothing wrong with that imo but it is somewhat embarrassment, so i'm wondering, if for you it isn't what is it?  
 
ps you are right we don't all have to dress skimpy either, but i thought this was more about showering or being naked in semi private places "

using your example, changing in a change room, for me that is something that is private. i have changed in front of ppl who know me(adults and children) but i dont think strangers need to see my naked body just as i prefer not to see theirs. i wouldnt call this embarrasment but rather giving ppl privacy. if you really want/need me to change in front of you i will but its not pretty!!! haha.  
 
to me this is kinda the same as going to the washroom in front of others. some things we just dont need to see. to me its more about being classy.  
 
but this is totally different then bathing with your own children which is what the OP asked about

on-second-thought

10/6/2012 8:08:24 PM
Member since:
Jun 2011
Total posts:1624
??

  
sammy said "
  
Madame said "I have never showered with my kids, but I will change in front of them, they will see me in my towel, in my underwear, jammies, I often am in a tank top and panties or short shorts while around the house.  
 
Why is everyone so hung up on being clothed all the time? We are just teaching our kids to be ashamed of their bodies, and then wonder why the end up starving themselves as teenagers. "

or the other way....  
 
why is everyone so hung up on being naked or dressed so skimpy? we are just teaching our kids to show of their bodies and then wonder why they end up pregnant as teenagers.  
 
i think the key is to find that healthy balance of confidence and modesty. keep it classy "

Its not about teaching a child to show off their body - its a shower not an orgy. Teaching a child to be comfortable in their body doesn't mean that they will grow up to dress skimpy or get pregnant. If anything, its the other way around.  
 
Body image influences behavior and self esteem. Those girls who are more confident with their body images are less likely to engage in hazardous behavior, or fall prey to the boy who throws a few compliments their way.  
 
One doesn't have to prance around naked to get a positive body image, but one must be comfortable in their own skin - with all its flaws.

Michelle Budiwski

10/6/2012 8:16:51 PM
Member since:
Apr 2009
Total posts:8121
I changed my mind...

  
on-second-thought said "
  
sammy said "
  
Madame said "I have never showered with my kids, but I will change in front of them, they will see me in my towel, in my underwear, jammies, I often am in a tank top and panties or short shorts while around the house.  
 
Why is everyone so hung up on being clothed all the time? We are just teaching our kids to be ashamed of their bodies, and then wonder why the end up starving themselves as teenagers. "

or the other way....  
 
why is everyone so hung up on being naked or dressed so skimpy? we are just teaching our kids to show of their bodies and then wonder why they end up pregnant as teenagers.  
 
i think the key is to find that healthy balance of confidence and modesty. keep it classy "

Its not about teaching a child to show off their body - its a shower not an orgy. Teaching a child to be comfortable in their body doesn't mean that they will grow up to dress skimpy or get pregnant. If anything, its the other way around.  
 
Body image influences behavior and self esteem. Those girls who are more confident with their body images are less likely to engage in hazardous behavior, or fall prey to the boy who throws a few compliments their way.  
 
One doesn't have to prance around naked to get a positive body image, but one must be comfortable in their own skin - with all its flaws. "

THIS is the best answer ever.  
 
It's a body, nothing more, nothing less. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. If you feel that you have to hide yours whether you mean to or not you make people, especially your daughters wonder why.  
 
Why?  
 
We don't hide things we are happy with or proud of so by hiding your body you are sending a message to your daughters that they should hide theirs too because it is something to be ashamed of.  
 
Come on ladies - it is a body - we all have them. If you are in front of people of the same sex, you have nothing they haven't seen before so what and why are you trying to hide?

Sandy

10/6/2012 9:17:03 PM
Member since:
Nov 2006
Total posts:9109
::::

  
summerlover44 said "My friend recently found out that her step daughter is still showering with her mom. This girl is almost 8 1/2 years old. "

And your friend is questioning this. Hmmm not sure it's her business. I don't know.

traveller

10/6/2012 10:25:54 PM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:8965
>:

  
summerlover44 said "My friend recently found out that her step daughter is still showering with her mom. This girl is almost 8 1/2 years old. "

my husband still sometime showers with our son of the same age, the only issue is he is starting to crowd the shower lol, he asked all the personal questions years ago and knows the answers

Happy Trails

10/6/2012 11:03:43 PM
Member since:
Feb 2011
Total posts:988
I

can see no problem if that is your wish. To each their own. At our house my daughter likes to shower/bath before bed and I usually do it in the A.M. when she's at school (she's 6). We were late for an appt. this summer and we were both filthy from working outside and showered together as there was not enough time to do 2 separate showers. It didn't seem weird, but it's also not our usual thing.  
 
That being said if we have no where to be everyone in our house is usually wandering around in knickers or a house coat at most. If you're not going anywhere, no one's coming over, why put clothes on? I don't think this is any worse/better than showering together. We are all very secure in our own skin and I expect my daughter will be as well. I don't know why people get so hung up on this. The body is a beautiful and remarkable thing - you can be comfortable and classy no matter your shape and size.  
 
It is all about each persons choice. Respect for that choice goes a long way, and judging other peoples choices is the mark of a person with a very closed mind and world view. There are very few things in this world that have a finite "right" and "wrong" just "right for you" and "wrong for you" at this time. Acceptance, respect, and love for others and yourself is really the message I'm trying to get across in this giant ramble.

Sandy

10/6/2012 11:46:18 PM
Member since:
Nov 2006
Total posts:9109
Boundaries

  
summerlover44 said "I know for myself I stopped when my kids were around 4 or 5. It just felt very wrong. Not because it was sexual obviously, but because of their natural curiosity. To me it's not about being comfortable with being naked, it's about teaching and respecting proper boundaries to kids. "

Boundaries vary from person to person.  
 
At eight years, your friend's step-daughter could well be starting into puberty. Big changes all around. She may set up her own boundary yet.  
 
 

axana596

10/7/2012 8:44:29 AM
Member since:
Jul 2010
Total posts:653
body

My little girl is 2 and learned the words for "booby" and "vagina" a long time ago. Established boundaries help other people from being embarassed (I always say "no touch mommy's vagina") and yet being in a shower together helps the child learn how to properly clean themselves and honestly it is more fun to splash around with mommy!

brandondoula

10/7/2012 9:23:24 AM
Member since:
Jun 2009
Total posts:209
...

My daughter is 6 and a half. We've been showering together since she was about a month old. It hasn't been awkward at all. In our house the girls shower together and the boys shower together.

Gaea

10/7/2012 10:21:28 AM
Member since:
Aug 2010
Total posts:258
I agree...

  
Butterflymbca said "
  
on-second-thought said "
  
sammy said "
  
Madame said "I have never showered with my kids, but I will change in front of them, they will see me in my towel, in my underwear, jammies, I often am in a tank top and panties or short shorts while around the house.  
 
Why is everyone so hung up on being clothed all the time? We are just teaching our kids to be ashamed of their bodies, and then wonder why the end up starving themselves as teenagers. "

or the other way....  
 
why is everyone so hung up on being naked or dressed so skimpy? we are just teaching our kids to show of their bodies and then wonder why they end up pregnant as teenagers.  
 
i think the key is to find that healthy balance of confidence and modesty. keep it classy "

Its not about teaching a child to show off their body - its a shower not an orgy. Teaching a child to be comfortable in their body doesn't mean that they will grow up to dress skimpy or get pregnant. If anything, its the other way around.  
 
Body image influences behavior and self esteem. Those girls who are more confident with their body images are less likely to engage in hazardous behavior, or fall prey to the boy who throws a few compliments their way.  
 
One doesn't have to prance around naked to get a positive body image, but one must be comfortable in their own skin - with all its flaws. "

THIS is the best answer ever.  
 
It's a body, nothing more, nothing less. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. If you feel that you have to hide yours whether you mean to or not you make people, especially your daughters wonder why.  
 
Why?  
 
We don't hide things we are happy with or proud of so by hiding your body you are sending a message to your daughters that they should hide theirs too because it is something to be ashamed of.  
 
Come on ladies - it is a body - we all have them. If you are in front of people of the same sex, you have nothing they haven't seen before so what and why are you trying to hide? "

Great posts!  
 
My "skimpy" clothes are kept at home, I do not run to the grocery store in my tank and panties or short shorts. There's a time and a place to be comfortable, and at home with your family, should be one of them. With extended family coming over for the day, I will get around to putting some more clothes on!

Amused

10/7/2012 10:44:44 AM
Member since:
Jun 2007
Total posts:3494
In

  
summerlover44 said "My friend recently found out that her step daughter is still showering with her mom. This girl is almost 8 1/2 years old. "

In my opinion, first of all your friend should not be discussing this with others and now it has been posted online.  
 
Second, this is a topic that the custodial parent and non-custodial parent need to discuss and for all you know, it may not be an issue for either and it may not be an issue for the child – therefore it is not a topic for discussion. If you wished to debate it as a topic then do so but do not use your “friend” and her relationship with her step-daughter as the example. That hopefully was supposed to be “confidential information” and not to be discussed with others.  
 
This hopefully will not be adding more fuel to a fire that should not be burning in the first place.  
 
You raise your children as you see fit and let others raise theirs. As long as there is no sexual abuse/abuse happening and the child is not forced to do this against their will then butt out.  

Sandy

10/7/2012 10:47:15 AM
Member since:
Nov 2006
Total posts:9109
Finally!

  
Amused said "
  
summerlover44 said "My friend recently found out that her step daughter is still showering with her mom. This girl is almost 8 1/2 years old. "

In my opinion, first of all your friend should not be discussing this with others and now it has been posted online.  
 
Second, this is a topic that the custodial parent and non-custodial parent need to discuss and for all you know, it may not be an issue for either and it may not be an issue for the child – therefore it is not a topic for discussion. If you wished to debate it as a topic then do so but do not use your “friend” and her relationship with her step-daughter as the example. That hopefully was supposed to be “confidential information” and not to be discussed with others.  
 
This hopefully will not be adding more fuel to a fire that should not be burning in the first place.  
 
You raise your children as you see fit and let others raise theirs. As long as there is no sexual abuse/abuse happening and the child is not forced to do this against their will then butt out.  
"

Someone else who gets the question! Thanks Amused!

MBGal

10/7/2012 10:54:58 AM
Member since:
Sep 2011
Total posts:488
.

I think showering with an 8.5 year old is very concerning and I would call CFS. Just MHO.

 
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