My son has been dating this girl for 6 months and i dont like her.My son is 18 graduated from high school in June and now has moved out ,and uhhh with her.She spent lots of time at our house previous to this and she lived as a hermit in his room.If we(my husband or i)were home she would not come upstairs not to use the bathroom or anything ,in 6 months i think she came and ate a meal with us maybe 3 times?! Made it very hard to get to know her but i tried ,When she had no choice she would speak,but not socialy. Now that my son is moving out i have offered to provide him with some stuff(used or things i dont need)not brand new and my son isnt bothered by this at all however she is (apparently her mother is providing them with some very nice new items that she has been collecting for some time).She was kicked out of her parents house ,who live in a different provice and sent to our community to live with her grandparents so i have speculated that she has some issue!!I have spoke to a few of his friends and they dont have anything positive to say about her either ( so i know that i am not just being a MOM)!It disturbes me that she cant cook except mac & cheese and noodles , she is very lazy(couldnt even get up and go to school on a regular basis)And she is very high maintenance ,brand name stuff ,the best of everything! I realize my son is a big boy but as his mother WEll U KNOW ...  
I feel i have tried/Short of being straight out with my son and telling him i dont like her (i feel that may push him closer to her out of revenge)  
This is not the girl that will wear a white dress and stand beside my son!!!unless i am dead cuase i will contest!!  
 
Any Advice

You should bite the bullet and taker her under your wing and become friends with her instead of taking revenge.  
 
You might find a girl who is not as bad as you thought, but at least you can find out.

Mommy said "My son has been dating this girl for 6 months and i dont like her.My son is 18 graduated from high school in June and now has moved out ,and uhhh with her.She spent lots of time at our house previous to this and she lived as a hermit in his room.If we(my husband or i)were home she would not come upstairs not to use the bathroom or anything ,in 6 months i think she came and ate a meal with us maybe 3 times?! Made it very hard to get to know her but i tried ,When she had no choice she would speak,but not socialy. Now that my son is moving out i have offered to provide him with some stuff(used or things i dont need)not brand new and my son isnt bothered by this at all however she is (apparently her mother is providing them with some very nice new items that she has been collecting for some time).She was kicked out of her parents house ,who live in a different provice and sent to our community to live with her grandparents so i have speculated that she has some issue!!I have spoke to a few of his friends and they dont have anything positive to say about her either ( so i know that i am not just being a MOM)!It disturbes me that she cant cook except mac & cheese and noodles , she is very lazy(couldnt even get up and go to school on a regular basis)And she is very high maintenance ,brand name stuff ,the best of everything! I realize my son is a big boy but as his mother WEll U KNOW ...   I feel i have tried/Short of being straight out with my son and telling him i dont like her (i feel that may push him closer to her out of revenge)   This is not the girl that will wear a white dress and stand beside my son!!!unless i am dead cuase i will contest!!     Any Advice "

to form some kind of a relationship with her or butt out!  
You'll lose this one.

Your parenting job is basically done, and it’s time to let your son go. As long as he gets an honest, safe and legal job and his friends have the same good values that he has, you really don’t have the right to tell your son how to live his life or whom he should date. You also shouldn’t worry too much about their relationship because you can’t know what the future will bring.  
 
Let him know why you are worried, but tell him that you respect his decisions. Then back off, because as long as you and your husband are the 'bad guys' the more she can hold on to him. If you remove yourself as the problem, he may begin to she her antics as not something he wants to deal with in the future.

you don't know her very well but since your son is a wonderful young man (I presume) she must have some good qualities. Would he date someone who is horrible? Maybe she is painfully shy. That can often come off as a really bad attitude.  
Take her out to lunch and explain that since she is such an important part of your son's life you want to get to know her better.  
Good Luck and try and see the qualities that your son see's in her.

It's a good thing you're not the one dating her then. If your child is an adult then he can make his own decisions , even when they don't match up with his parents approval. I think the most you'd accomplish by trying to stop things or making known your disapproval know is to drive your own child away. You'll have to just get used to it, if your child is 18 he no longer requires your permission.

youre being a MOM lol. Unless she's older than him, she sounds like a teenager. Besides the not going to school thing, I dont see a huge problem that would send up red flags. If she doesnt want used things and would prefer brand new, in her home-even if it offends you-it's not your business. If she prefers brand name, again, not your business unless shes stealing it or doing illegal things to obtain her brand name things. Not everyone can cook right off the bat. I couldnt cook either when I moved out, but I learned, its part of growing up. As for the anti-social behavior, well is it possible that she is just shy? As a shy person, I can understand her behavior. As for his friends not liking her, not surprising either, sometimes friends get jealous or resentful when a gf 'takes away' their friend.  
 
If you act like you dont like her, chances are you are going to drive a wedge between you and your son. He's an adult now, he needs to make his own mistakes.

negative already. You your self maybe giving her the wrong signals really maybe she feels out of place. you say her parents kicked her out, and really that should not be your busness, but it can,t be that bad if their giving her nice new stuff for their appt. compared to you feeling bit envious that your things are used and no longer wanted . time to pull up your big girl panties. and let your son make his own choices because this very well could be the woman he marries. you really need to stop sounding so hateful. you could damage the relationship of your son for ever. i,m not trying to be harsh , just honest . if only you could see how you sound here on ebrandon. and oh god i really hope your son or his girl friend don,t read this delete it now before they do

Your son must see something in her that he likes. I would invite them over for supper often and if they come together, fine. If he comes alone, pretend that it is normal and fine. Is she working? If not, the novelty of playing house will wear off fast if you are broke.

Dr.Phil or Jeremy Kyle Show..Sounds like the son and girlfriend are not the problem at all.  
 
Trying looking with in yourself

It's a tough transitional time when our children leave home. We want only the best for them.  
 
However, you may cause unintended pain for your son if you choose to tell him of your dislike of his girlfriend. I'd also advise against talking with his friends about his girlfriend.  
 
Quite simply don't get riled up over his decisions, remain supportive and keep an open door.  
 
 
 
 

I believe that if you dislike your child's s/o, he or she should never know this. As for her not cooking, that is no longer a female duty. You both eat, you both cook.

such a harsh word. Mommy better leave well enough alone with that attitude.

My Mom was the same way when I started dating my now husband. {She loves him to pieces now!} I don't think it was anything personal against him, but just the fact that her/your baby is growing up. Maybe you are just having a hard time adjusting to him being on his own now. I would try to be nice to her. Your son is going to end up resenting you if you keep being negative about their relationship. This could do a lot of damage to the relationship of you and your son. Maybe offer to teach them how to cook. Also, you are older and wiser, so give the kids a break.

sounds like this girl has had a hard life and might not know how to get to know you. Might be worth your time to offer her some of your skills in the kitchen and find out a bit more about her.  

It's ok if you don't like her. You feel she isn't good enough for your son. However... can identify with the girlfriend.  
 
When I was 18 I was painfully shy and my boyfriend at the time took me home to meet the parents and go to a wedding in their hometown. I was so shy I didn't come out of the guest room for breakfast. Looking back I frown at myself for that bad behavior, but I was so shy and didn't feel good enough. I was immature and silly, but so timid and uncomfortable where they were concerned. Stupid me, he was a great guy and his family was so nice.  
 
I couldn't boil water at that age either because one of my parents was so OCD I wasn't allowed to cook or do laundry, clean etc. The philosophy, dumb as it was, was "If you can't do it the right way (my way), stay back and don't touch anything. I felt like a total stooge when I broke free and didn't know how to do anything myself because i wasn't prepared.  
 
Give her a chance. She might not be the bitch of your nightmares. She may just be young, immature and inexperienced.

Cut the strings and let him go. You did your job and no matter what, he is going to do as he pleases.  
 
In my opinion, she should not have been down in his room in the first place but that is only me.  
 
She is looking for a meal ticket and chances are she found it. She too does not have respect for herself because instead of sitting in his room she should have been studying, working, or coming and saying hi to the parents of her boyfriend. Again, that is my opinion.  
 
Ask him to be careful so that they do not bring a child into this world and not because of your dislike for her but for the wellbeing of the possible unborn child. Hopefully he is smart enough to use protection and not to depend on her because one slip and it could be an 18 year commitment. Without an education, it will be a tough road to travel for both the parents and child. Chances are not good that the relationship will work either therefore, there may be custody issues, support, visitation, etc.  
 
No, it is time for him to grow up. Remember, you are not the one that is going to live with the one your child decided to live with. I just hope you are not the one that ends up supporting another family/child. As for being "high maintenance" do not worry because with only a high school education, either they learn to live within their means or the fighting begins. They are living in a "fantasy world" because they have had everything provided by Mom and Dad. Let reality dictate and show them the way. Do not bail them out either. The Bank of Mom and Dad has to end otherwise you will be supporting two households. They need to forge their own way in this world. It will be tough to watch but there is nothing like a life lesson to provide one with the best education there is. By the way, Mac and cheese never killed anyone yet and after a while it gets to be too much. They will sink or swim but give them the opportunity to try.  

if you son is 18 I will assume she is around that age as well. I sure didn't know how to cook at 18, I had to learn! Give her some time to learn. Sounds like your son and her have just moved in together and they need to learn on their own how to live together. You can be there to help, but only if they ask, otherwise butt out.

its ok not to like her. But don't go out of your way to dislike her either. I have 4 married kids and a big bunch of grand kids. I love all their spouses. Don't beat yourself up over this. If she is not the right one for your son he will figure that out all by himself.

its hard to see loved ones in relationships that we dont approve of or think of as unhealthy. i dont have a child of my own but i have to bite my tongue at a few loved ones relationships in my life.  
 
i would suggest letting your son know that you are there for him but that you have some concerns over his gf. let him and her know though that they are both welcome in your home and should ask for help if needed. if you are willing to give him used or not needed things that is great! if they sell it or get rid of it, that is fine, as it is no longer yours once its given away. but let them know that you will not be buying them brand new things and if they want brand new stuff then they need to work for it just like real mature adults.  
 
if they are living together in their own place there really isnt much you can do that wont also have a negative impact on your relationship with your son. perhaps she will mature as she ages and their relationship will be fine. or perhaps, this relationship will run its course as many young and new ones do and your son will meet a girl that is more up to your standards.  
 
i wouldnt be worried about her cooking skills. she will learn if wants or perhaps you and your husband could take a cooking class with them? might be a fun night out to get to know each other more? you say she lives with her grandparents, if they are like my grandma was, they probably just cook for her! haha. thats what grandparents do!  
 
good luck!

This girlfriend is high maintenance, because her parents maybe made her this way( ie: giving them brand new items)?  
She may be painfully shy. Believe me, i know how that feels, maybe she feels like she needs your approval, and senses you dont, and that is making her need to steer clear of you.  
She is only 18. Alot of 18 yo arent responsible, lazy, dont know how to cook. She will grow responsibility as she gets older, and learns from her mistakes.  
As for cooking, like a previous post commented, "you both eat, you both cook". Perhaps your son could teach her, or you yourself, could teach her, and be a positive influence in her life, maybe something shes not getting from home. People tend to want to be a better person for people who care about them.

This girl will probably end up not being his life partner. Wait it out. If she is as you say she is, it will not work out.

Mommy said "My son has been dating this girl for 6 months and i dont like her.My son is 18 graduated from high school in June and now has moved out ,and uhhh with her.She spent lots of time at our house previous to this and she lived as a hermit in his room.If we(my husband or i)were home she would not come upstairs not to use the bathroom or anything ,in 6 months i think she came and ate a meal with us maybe 3 times?! Made it very hard to get to know her but i tried ,When she had no choice she would speak,but not socialy. Now that my son is moving out i have offered to provide him with some stuff(used or things i dont need)not brand new and my son isnt bothered by this at all however she is (apparently her mother is providing them with some very nice new items that she has been collecting for some time).She was kicked out of her parents house ,who live in a different provice and sent to our community to live with her grandparents so i have speculated that she has some issue!!I have spoke to a few of his friends and they dont have anything positive to say about her either ( so i know that i am not just being a MOM)!It disturbes me that she cant cook except mac & cheese and noodles , she is very lazy(couldnt even get up and go to school on a regular basis)And she is very high maintenance ,brand name stuff ,the best of everything! I realize my son is a big boy but as his mother WEll U KNOW ...   I feel i have tried/Short of being straight out with my son and telling him i dont like her (i feel that may push him closer to her out of revenge)   This is not the girl that will wear a white dress and stand beside my son!!!unless i am dead cuase i will contest!!     Any Advice "

Had the same thing happen to me with my son. Trust me the more you act like you dont like the more he is going to be drawn to her and the more she will cling to him. I turned the tables and tried to embrace the relationship and it did eventually follow its course to an end. The only advice I have is to have a heart to heart with your son and tell him you Love him and only hope for his happiness. Make sure that your son has info on where to obtain condoms etc for Birth control they can get them free at public health.This is already complicated without kids so encourage him to use condoms. She may be on the pill but accidents happen.They are way tooo young for kids .My son was a bit younger 16 but I always through a box on his bed to make sure I wasnt going to get the" Oh mom we are pregnant " story. Best of luck

I advise you not to interfere with your son and his decision in a mate, If you have done your job as a parent his brain is slowly working at all the things you have said and done for examples and he is drawing conclusions in his own mind on if this is going to work, once the honeymoon is over and he gets sick of running home and cooking for the two of them, cause trust me.. no 18 yr old guy can stomach mac and cheese every night, I agree with some of the posts that you could invite her over to learn how to cook his favorite meals for him, and open the communication lingo-killing two birds with one stone, maybe three you might learn to like her as god awfull of an idea that seems right now!

You son is 18, he need to make his own choices and mistakes. Either way you need to support him and id say make more of an effort to be friends with the girlfriend. If you tell your son you don't like his girlfriend you WILL end up being the bad guy and I don't think you want that. Best of luck with everything.

Here is something for you to think about. Me and my bf's mom haven't ever been fond of one another and she has a dislike for me which she doesnt hide and now i am pregnant with her granchild and seeing how she is rude to me most of the time i wont be going there much after the baby is born.  
My advice suck it up and form a relationship with this girl she is 18 not 28, she may grow up in the next few years and become responsible.  

nissan fan said "    Mommy said "My son has been dating this girl for 6 months and i dont like her.My son is 18 graduated from high school in June and now has moved out ,and uhhh with her.She spent lots of time at our house previous to this and she lived as a hermit in his room.If we(my husband or i)were home she would not come upstairs not to use the bathroom or anything ,in 6 months i think she came and ate a meal with us maybe 3 times?! Made it very hard to get to know her but i tried ,When she had no choice she would speak,but not socialy. Now that my son is moving out i have offered to provide him with some stuff(used or things i dont need)not brand new and my son isnt bothered by this at all however she is (apparently her mother is providing them with some very nice new items that she has been collecting for some time).She was kicked out of her parents house ,who live in a different provice and sent to our community to live with her grandparents so i have speculated that she has some issue!!I have spoke to a few of his friends and they dont have anything positive to say about her either ( so i know that i am not just being a MOM)!It disturbes me that she cant cook except mac & cheese and noodles , she is very lazy(couldnt even get up and go to school on a regular basis)And she is very high maintenance ,brand name stuff ,the best of everything! I realize my son is a big boy but as his mother WEll U KNOW ...   I feel i have tried/Short of being straight out with my son and telling him i dont like her (i feel that may push him closer to her out of revenge)   This is not the girl that will wear a white dress and stand beside my son!!!unless i am dead cuase i will contest!!     Any Advice " Had the same thing happen to me with my son. Trust me the more you act like you dont like the more he is going to be drawn to her and the more she will cling to him. I turned the tables and tried to embrace the relationship and it did eventually follow its course to an end. The only advice I have is to have a heart to heart with your son and tell him you Love him and only hope for his happiness. Make sure that your son has info on where to obtain condoms etc for Birth control they can get them free at public health.This is already complicated without kids so encourage him to use condoms. She may be on the pill but accidents happen.They are way tooo young for kids .My son was a bit younger 16 but I always through a box on his bed to make sure I wasnt going to get the" Oh mom we are pregnant " story. Best of luck "

nissan fan is totally right... I'm on the other side of this, there's no harder task than to have you mother fight with your girl friend/wife... because when the spouse gets wind that mommy hates her, this affects everything... you just need to let him know, your home is a safe haven, not to come and go as he pleases but to make him feel welcome and neutral if needed. support is what he needs, and advice, when he asks for it... keep an open mind, he'll make mistakes and dont give up on a relationship with his choice of girl to be with...

Suck it up, it's his life not yours, his choices not yours.  
My partner's mom HATES me, I actually had to re-read your post several times to make sure you weren't her venting about me on a social site. (the situation sounds almost exact in alot unique details).  
Anyways you said yourself, you don't know this girl very well, therefore you don't really have the right to judge. There's probably tons of good stuff you're unaware of! If your son's happy I'm sure he can tell if he's not.  
And from being in the "girlfriends" shoes, the way you act/talk behind her back (your son will tell her everything by the way), makes her feel like crap, she feels bad she's not up to your standards and your judging her every move, won't make a real effort to be nice unless you're feeling like turning on her later. She won't be real to you unless you're real to her, so if you're so concerned take the time. Don't force yourself into liking her or pretending. Accept your son is happy and support him. It stresses him out knowing his "gf" and mother don't get along or his mother thinks little of his possible life partner. If you dislike her THAT much, leave them alone including your son, chances are he despises the fact that you call all the time and don't trust their indipendance.

Support your son by listening to his concerns and NOT blabbing about what you think or what you feel is right/proper. Leave yourself open to everything. If he can't come to you to talk about things, without criticism from you about their relationship, he will go elsewhere for it and you will lose the closeness.  
 
As parents we only think about, "don't do this, don't do that," or we're quick to give advice without hearing what they think. We try to talk, when really we should be listening, no matter what age your children are. Whether they're 8 or 30. They'll figure things out on their own and will go into life feeling that they have your support.  
 
Support only. Support = Listen only.  
 
Good luck to you.

lazy_lil_monkey said "    *Mittens* said "if you son is 18 I will assume she is around that age as well. I sure didn't know how to cook at 18, I had to learn! Give her some time to learn. Sounds like your son and her have just moved in together and they need to learn on their own how to live together. You can be there to help, but only if they ask, otherwise butt out. " Mother's , make time to teach your daughter's how to cook...insist , it will   be an asset to add to their skills   as a woman "

why do women have to know how to cook in this day and age?  
 
I do know how to cook. I hate it. My husband is home before me and cooks every meal. I clean. It has now become a two way street.  
 
Can't believe because she doesn't know how to cook, was even brought up in this thread.