Just wondering how many people out there stay with thier significant other for the sake of the kids even though they are no longer happy in thier relationship.

Once you have children together you have a relationship for life so you may as well figure out how to make it work together. if you ask people who have been married for long periods there are good times and bad. Remember the vows, for better AND for worse? If there are no abuse issues and you have children you may as well give it another chance.

The kids won't be happy unless the parents are happy, they are not deaf, dumb or blind and they know sometimes the parents are better off and happier no longer being together. Both parents though need to make a renewed stronger commitment to the children.

Terry9366 said "The kids won't be happy unless the parents are happy, they are not deaf, dumb or blind and they know sometimes the parents are better off and happier no longer being together. Both parents though need to make a renewed stronger commitment to the children. "

You have a point. Also, the kids are not going to be kids forever. They do grow up to be adults :-)  
If they grow up seeing how their parents are towards each other, they might think it's normal.  

i dont know how many people will honestly answer your OP. Brandon is a small community and most ppl wouldnt want others to know they are only in their marriage/relationship for the children.  
 
If you have tried to fix your relationship and its just not working and the ONLY reason you are staying is because of the kids, I would suggest splitting up. Life is too short to be miserable with someone you truly dislike and can not stand. Your kids will understand and most likely thank you for it. I remember wishing for years that my parents would just divorce already. They thought they were hiding their problems from us but like others have said, kids arent stupid. Now both my parents are in other relationships and both say they are happier now. thats what matters.  
 
i also dont think its healthy for children to see a relationship like that. it sets them up to have the same relationship with their future SO's.

An interesting observation from a recent high school graduation. Of the ten or twelve students that were wearing the Honour Student Cowl (80% average in 7 grade 12 courses), I believe most if not all came from families where both parents are active in the child's life by living with them.  
 
This observation indicates to me that the child needs both parents actively working on their development in order for them to be the best they can be. It was described to me as a ladder with the parents being the two upright poles the child uses to climb higher in life. Sometimes they need support on the right side and sometimes they need support on the left side. It is possible to climb a ladder with only one pole but it will be far more difficult and this child will not be able to reach as far as the one on the ladder with two sturdy supports helping them.  
 
Sometimes removing the saggy, non supportive pole is better than maintaining the illusion that there is support on that side of the child's life when the truth is everything would crumble if the child relied on that side to provide support when they needed it.  
 
The children will be there until they are eighteen and you then could have another thirty years to pursue your separate goals. Can the parents not put their happiness pursuits on the back burner for a few more years until the children no longer need them in their lives? This is my definition of an adult.  
 
There are exceptions where one may be causing physical harm to the spouse or the children and escaping their clutches becomes a case of life or death. You are not dealing with an adult in this situation and I agree that the one spouse should spend time in jail and then rehabilitation and anger management before being allowed back into a relationship with their children.  
 
On the other hand, I have heard of too many break ups because one spouse will not do their share of the housework or wants to spend weekends on a motorbike instead of yard work. Many of these difficulties can be worked out with a competent counselor. The parents have to look at the root of their problems and see if they can be resolved for the short term.  
 
One of my favourite science fiction writers has marriages being contracts of varying lengths. The common one is for 25 years or until the youngest turns 21. After that time, it can be renewed if both parties want to or they can go their separate ways at that point. The underlying theory in this concept is that "Til death do us part" was created when we had an average lifespan of 50 years. Both surviving after 25 years of marriage was a rare and celebrated event. Now we have 60th Anniversary Announcements in the paper and many wonder if they have to put up with another 45 years as well or if they should get out now. If they instead had a light at the end of the tunnel and all they had to do was maintain peace and treat the other parent with respect and common courtesy, then it would be the children that benefit the most.  
 
While I agree with the concept of not staying where you are not happy, you both have made a vow to the children that you will both help them develop until they are ready to be on their own. If that means a few years of unhappiness to fulfill this vow to your children then I say work on the relationship and find a way to stay together and not fight for a few more years. In the mean time, do not have any more children. Buy the house next door or rent the apartment in the next block. Be civilized and flexible when arranging child care by putting the child first as often as possible. Do not move to another city and expect the one parent to do all the driving. You miss too many important events in the child's life if you move to another city because you are not happy in the city that the child is going to school in. It is only for ten more years and then you should have another forty or fifty years all to yourself.  
 
Parents who separate to fulfill their own pursuit of happiness rather than fulfilling the vow made to the children will only teach their children that contracts are to be broken and that they should put their happiness ahead of everything else including their own children.  

I find the notion of sticking out for the kids rediculous. It only communicates disfunction as an expected norm as well as opens the doors to the temptation to stray looking for happiness on the side to fill the gap. I have a few friends who stated the same. They just wished their parents would have split up and been done with it. My one friend her parents are better friends then ever now that they are divorced. In order for kids to be happy parents need to be happy. Kids can see and are certainly no dummies. It may be fine if they are small but they grow up and are wise to what's normal or not. I am seperated with children and in no way would I tough it out for at least another 15 to 20 years for them. The tensions are obvious in the house and subjects them to much more damage then if we lived apart. If we are happier individualy then the kids are happy. My ex partner and I still parent cooperatively and put the children needs first and formost. Just because we are not together it certainly doesn't mean we can not support our childrens goals and not efficiently help them succeed.a lot of it has to do with the maturity that parents exhibit during a split as well. This is just some of my thoughts. Sorry for any typos, using phone to reply

katwalk1909 said "An interesting observation from a recent high school graduation. Of the ten or twelve students that were wearing the Honour Student Cowl (80% average in 7 grade 12 courses), I believe most if not all came from families where both parents are active in the child's life by living with them.     This observation indicates to me that the child needs both parents actively working on their development in order for them to be the best they can be. It was described to me as a ladder with the parents being the two upright poles the child uses to climb higher in life. Sometimes they need support on the right side and sometimes they need support on the left side. It is possible to climb a ladder with only one pole but it will be far more difficult and this child will not be able to reach as far as the one on the ladder with two sturdy supports helping them.     Sometimes removing the saggy, non supportive pole is better than maintaining the illusion that there is support on that side of the child's life when the truth is everything would crumble if the child relied on that side to provide support when they needed it.     The children will be there until they are eighteen and you then could have another thirty years to pursue your separate goals. Can the parents not put their happiness pursuits on the back burner for a few more years until the children no longer need them in their lives? This is my definition of an adult.     There are exceptions where one may be causing physical harm to the spouse or the children and escaping their clutches becomes a case of life or death. You are not dealing with an adult in this situation and I agree that the one spouse should spend time in jail and then rehabilitation and anger management before being allowed back into a relationship with their children.     On the other hand, I have heard of too many break ups because one spouse will not do their share of the housework or wants to spend weekends on a motorbike instead of yard work. Many of these difficulties can be worked out with a competent counselor. The parents have to look at the root of their problems and see if they can be resolved for the short term.     One of my favourite science fiction writers has marriages being contracts of varying lengths. The common one is for 25 years or until the youngest turns 21. After that time, it can be renewed if both parties want to or they can go their separate ways at that point. The underlying theory in this concept is that "Til death do us part" was created when we had an average lifespan of 50 years. Both surviving after 25 years of marriage was a rare and celebrated event. Now we have 60th Anniversary Announcements in the paper and many wonder if they have to put up with another 45 years as well or if they should get out now. If they instead had a light at the end of the tunnel and all they had to do was maintain peace and treat the other parent with respect and common courtesy, then it would be the children that benefit the most.     While I agree with the concept of not staying where you are not happy, you both have made a vow to the children that you will both help them develop until they are ready to be on their own. If that means a few years of unhappiness to fulfill this vow to your children then I say work on the relationship and find a way to stay together and not fight for a few more years. In the mean time, do not have any more children. Buy the house next door or rent the apartment in the next block. Be civilized and flexible when arranging child care by putting the child first as often as possible. Do not move to another city and expect the one parent to do all the driving. You miss too many important events in the child's life if you move to another city because you are not happy in the city that the child is going to school in. It is only for ten more years and then you should have another forty or fifty years all to yourself.     Parents who separate to fulfill their own pursuit of happiness rather than fulfilling the vow made to the children will only teach their children that contracts are to be broken and that they should put their happiness ahead of everything else including their own children.   "

I grew up in a separated family and I did really good in school and in university and college. I also had many friends who had separeted families and they also did very well in school/post-secondary. Some had 2 supportive parents in their life and some only had one.  
 
I don't believe parents should stay together just for the children (if my mom and her first husband had done that then I would not have been born). I could tell that my parents were unhappy and it didn't really bother me when they got divorced (not saying it won't bother other kids but I knew it was for the best).  
 
I also hate when people say if there is no abuse then its fine to stay. Why would you stay in a situation where you are extremely unhappy. Yes counselling can work with some couples but some honestly shouldn't be together. Children thrive better when their parents are happy, not when they can barely stand to be in the same room with their spouse.  
 
You also don't need two parents to have successfully developed your child. My dad moved to another country when I was in highschool and my mom did a great job raising me, I also have some very successful friends who were raised by one parent.

everyone tell me how you make it work in Brandon financially? There ,must be something I am missing then because financially there is NO WAY IN HELL. For me it is all financial. There are more people out there than we know.  
 
I do it, so there................  
 
Tell me I am foolish.  
 
I just want my pension. I know I would at least have that. Then I can move back to rural MB.  
 
Okay people who else is willing to admit???????

My parents stayed together for us kids. It was terrible. Fighting all the time, us kids being put in the middle. I truly believe that it is better for unhappy people to be divorced. That doesn't mean it is going to be easy. Chances are if you don't agree while together you certainly won't agree once separated and it can get ugly. My husband's ex fought tooth and nail to make our lives miserable once again making my stepkids lives miserable.  
 
I think the best is to try and prevent it from happening. Work on your marriage daily, realize the grass is not always greener on the other side. Luckily for me my husband didn't stay with his 1st wife just for the kids because we found each other and hopefully my stepkids can learn a little bit about a healthy happy relationship by watching us. They certainly don't get anything healthy from their mother's.

mention for myself that we are beyond fighting. Never really got to that. We live as roommates renting a house together. She has her life I mine. Difference is we share a child.  
 
We both know when the time is right and circumstances allow we will move on.

Why are there only 2 choices, split and be happy or stay and be unhappy? not every couple who stays together through a valley becomes happier, but strong marriages don't happen without work and commitment. Why not choose to stay and work through this period of unhappiness and have a healthier marriage? Wouldn't that option be best for the couple and the children? Go chat with some widowers and widows who lost their spouse after 40 plus years of marriage. They will give you some perspective of the ups and downs of marriage and how much they miss their spouse even though they had their flaws.  
 
And, you aren't guaranteed to be happy if you split up either.

its tough when finances are an issue. i can understand that. i know that is another reason why my parents stayed together longer than they should have. in fact, they lived together for about 2 or so months after they officially split until they both had found different places to live. it was not a fun environment though as they had an ugly break up. i hope that you are eventually able to financially support yourself. it will be best for all involved in my opinion.  
 
crossing fingers made me think of this quote..."the grass could be greener on your side too, if you took the time to water it"

If I knew my parents stayed together for my sake even though they weren't happy I would feel pretty bad about that. A friend of mine and her husband weren't happy their entire marriage but stayed together until both kids were in high school hoping it wouldn't impact them as much. The kids apparently had no idea it was coming and since she initiated the divorce the kids hold her responsible and have nothing to do with her.

I don't have kids or want kids but I know for a fact that the kids will see you're unhappy, even if they're young and they'll be just as miserable.

Sometimes the parents can hide it. Mine did. My siblings nor I had any idea that they were living pretty much as roommates. They slept in seperate rooms because my dad snore. We believed it because growing up the only person who slept if we all had to share a hotel room was my dad, cause he snores that bad!! When they finally told us they were seperating they also told us they hadn't been in love with each other for at least ten years (they admitted this after about an hour of us begging them through tears to go for councilling). We were completely blind sided, they never fought.I hated that the last ten years of family memories were fake. It left me not knowing who I was anymore. It left me trusting nothing. It left me to question everything I did, saw or thought. Five years later I was still affected. I was still dealing with trust issues. Now 14 years later I remember the night I sat in the shower for two and a half hours crying m y eyes out promising myself I would never do that to my kids (thank god for apartment hot water tanks). I still don't have kids and I honestly think its because I don't trust myself to keep that promise I made myself in the shower. I have not allowed myself to fall head over heals for anyone because that could put my promise in jeopardy. Of course I have just come to this realization and am working through it, hopefully before I'm too old to have kids! I guess my point is, if as parents you think your doing your kids a favour by staying together, I am telling you, you are not.

Better to come from a broken home than live in one.

Personally, I have been fortunate that my parents have a fantastic relationship. I don‘t know how I would deal with them getting divorced. But I am certain it would be 100% more difficult for me to come to terms with now, as an adult, than it would have been as a child.  
 
Children are very resilient and quite adaptaple. Not to say that a divorce doesn‘t affect them, of course. It can be very hard for them. But I think it is the lesser of two evils.  
 
My Aunt and Uncle are currently going through a divorce, thankfully, after being married for over 20 years. Their youngest child is 10, and the oldest is 20. If I‘m being honest, these two people should never have been together in the first place. They are like oil and water. Not compatable.  
 
They stayed together all these years, “for the kids“. And I truly believe that the fact that they did so is why their kids don‘t know what a real relationship is or know any respect for anyone. After being in a household in which the parents screamed and swore at each other for years, that is all the kids know. Those poor kids would have been far better off if their parents were on opposite ends of the earth.  
 
Now, even the oldest two kids, who are 18 and 20, agree that their parents should never have stayed together. They wish that the divorce had happened when they were kids, because they realize that the dysfuction that they grew up with has affected them and their relationships.  
 
Now, I realize that not all families are like this. Some parents may be able to get by without their kids realizing that there is a problem, but I don‘t think the parents are doing themselves OR their kids any favours. I would never stay in a reltionship that I was unhappy in, for my kids. I would hope that I could be a rolemodel for my kids, and make them realize that you should never put yourself in a situation that makes you miserable. If you are unhappy and no longer in love, then change it.  
 
I wouldn‘t want to see my kids in an unhappy and unloving relationship, and I would never want to give them the impression that they would have to stay in that situation for any reason.

shooterguy said "mention for myself that we are beyond fighting. Never really got to that. We live as roommates renting a house together. She has her life I mine. Difference is we share a child.     We both know when the time is right and circumstances allow we will move on. "

my grandparents did that for 40 out of the 60ish years they were together(don't know how long because they wouldn't celebrate it) fairly successfully, my sister is doing it now, not as well mind you and her kids suffer and i feel for them as the parents relationship has affected them negatively

A big key is how close they stay with the children. They could move out of the house but they should remain within the a few blocks and still attend the school functions and sports teams where both parents are able to be civilized to each other. Anything less is breaking the vow they made to their children.  
 
My daughter's father moved two hours away and then complained when he was not included in important events in her life. He could have stayed in the same town and remained active in her life but ran out and she suffered because of it. A one pole ladder does not work. He then "retired" at 52 and cut the child support payments in half.  
 
If you can not work at finding a solution with the relationship then make a better effort to be there for your child if you can not live in the same house as the other parent. Unfortunately, when a marriage breaks up it is usually because one of them does not want to make it work and they want to put their happiness ahead of the vow they made to their child(ren). I do not like people who do that.  
 
Once a child starts a school, everything should be done to keep them with their group of friends and teachers. It was compared to duct tape. The first time they form a friendship it may stick but the umpteenth time they have to form new friendships, there is no sticking power left. Uprooting them can be detrimental to their future ability to form long term friendships. (Calgary Herald Saturday magazine article in the mid seventies.)  
 
Having both parents in the same catchment area helps to provide this stability. Having a ladder where the other pole is a couple of feet away is better than one that is a couple of hours away. Moving to a different province "for career development" is a farce. It is just an excuse to put yourself ahead of the needs of your child. Put your career on hold and complete the commitment to your children and then pursue that career over the next fifty years. If moving out is not financially possible, be obvious that you are living like room mates if you have to but be there for your child and not hours away and pulling legal shenanigans about financial and emotional support.  
 
With a life expectancy of over 80 years, you have plenty of time after the children are finished being guided by you.  

shooterguy said "mention for myself that we are beyond fighting. Never really got to that. We live as roommates renting a house together. She has her life I mine. Difference is we share a child.     We both know when the time is right and circumstances allow we will move on. "

Most People now a days were Room mates before getting married and having children so what's the big deal to last it out till kids are old enough to understand..!! To many selfish Parents out there only worried about themselves..!!  
My Parents hid it very well till We were old enough to understand and they survived some tough times just to make Us Happy..!!  
People don't put that into Relationships anymore because it is to easy to be unhappy and move on to make Themselves Happy and think Their Kids can get over it..!!!

wonder woman said "Just wondering how many people out there stay with thier significant other for the sake of the kids even though they are no longer happy in thier relationship. "

Do you honestly want to teach your children to live a lie, even if it mean's unhappiness? You can still be fantastic parents, working together to raise your children, without living under the same roof....I would rather teach my children to live a happy life, to be honest to other's, to be true to oneself

I find it sad that people put so much into so many things, yet so little into the most important thing, their marriage. People pour themselves into their careers, their hobbies, and yet if they find themselves unhappy in their marriage, they leave. There are alternatives to the 2 choices of staying while unhappy or leaving. Seriously, do you think people are happy after they've left? What do they do if they're unhappy after they've left? We focus far too much on happiness. Happiness is a result, not a goal. If we work hard, love hard, give with everything we have, and play a little, the result is happiness. It may not be there all the time, and it may take time, but it will come. What is the ultimate reward of working hard on your marriage?  
 
My first husband and I had everything against us in our marriage. It should never have worked. I had a strong sense of commitment and didn't see divorce as an option. But soon into my marriage I didn't see being miserable as an option either. I decided there must be a third alternative... and there was. I worked hard. It took years and a lot of tears. But it was worth every second. When he died, I looked back fondly at, surprisingly, not only the good memories, but the bad as well. And my attachment to him was so much stronger because we had worked so hard. And because I had resolved my issues with him, I was able to move on after his death, to a very wonderful, healthy relationship. The sad thing is, when we can't resolve our issues in a relationship, we carry them to the next one, and our chances of being happy in that one is very slim. Happiness becomes a myth because it's been our goal. Consider a third option in marriage, not only for your kids, but for yourself.

What do you do when you still love your husband and want to fix the marriage but he doesn't? He wants to move on with his life. We have a 6 month old baby. The only problem we have is that I needed more help with the baby and other stuff. But he wanted to go out and have a life. What would you do?

toby0714 said "What do you do when you still love your husband and want to fix the marriage but he doesn't? He wants to move on with his life. We have a 6 month old baby. The only problem we have is that I needed more help with the baby and other stuff. But he wanted to go out and have a life. What would you do? "

This is common at this stage of marriage. The mom is all consumed with the baby and the husband is feeling a little second class. Try showing him as often as you can that you love him. And husbands like being told they are respected. When we were at this stage an experienced wife advised me to make his lunch, which only takes a couple minutes, and put a note in saying something like, "I respect you so much for working hard all day to support your family, Love your wife." And when he comes home to tell him how glad I am to see him and how I appreciate his help. Those little things helped us so much. Hugs to you. It sounds like both your cups are empty. Keep loving him and keep trying. Once you make it through this your marriage will be stronger.

I have done so much for him. I haven't maybe told him enough that I love him but I made his lunches and would do absolutely anything for him. I would hope that he knows how much I love him. I just wanted to be "the perfect happy family" but it seems he doesn't want it. He wants to throw in the towel and give up on our marriage. I am trying my best to fight for it but I can't do it alone.

melsey said "    toby0714 said "What do you do when you still love your husband and want to fix the marriage but he doesn't? He wants to move on with his life. We have a 6 month old baby. The only problem we have is that I needed more help with the baby and other stuff. But he wanted to go out and have a life. What would you do? " This is common at this stage of marriage. The mom is all consumed with the baby and the husband is feeling a little second class. Try showing him as often as you can that you love him. And husbands like being told they are respected. When we were at this stage an experienced wife advised me to make his lunch, which only takes a couple minutes, and put a note in saying something like, "I respect you so much for working hard all day to support your family, Love your wife." And when he comes home to tell him how glad I am to see him and how I appreciate his help. Those little things helped us so much. Hugs to you. It sounds like both your cups are empty. Keep loving him and keep trying. Once you make it through this your marriage will be stronger. "

Hmm no offense Melsey but if my wife made a sandwich and left a note saying she "respects me" we'd definitely be getting a divorce.  
 
However if she had a steak bbq'd and an ice cold beer for when I got home and finished, now I know she respects and loves me.

katwalk1909 said "An interesting observation from a recent high school graduation. Of the ten or twelve students that were wearing the Honour Student Cowl (80% average in 7 grade 12 courses), I believe most if not all came from families where both parents are active in the child's life by living with them.     This observation indicates to me that the child needs both parents actively working on their development in order for them to be the best they can be. It was described to me as a ladder with the parents being the two upright poles the child uses to climb higher in life. Sometimes they need support on the right side and sometimes they need support on the left side. It is possible to climb a ladder with only one pole but it will be far more difficult and this child will not be able to reach as far as the one on the ladder with two sturdy supports helping them.     Sometimes removing the saggy, non supportive pole is better than maintaining the illusion that there is support on that side of the child's life when the truth is everything would crumble if the child relied on that side to provide support when they needed it.     The children will be there until they are eighteen and you then could have another thirty years to pursue your separate goals. Can the parents not put their happiness pursuits on the back burner for a few more years until the children no longer need them in their lives? This is my definition of an adult.     There are exceptions where one may be causing physical harm to the spouse or the children and escaping their clutches becomes a case of life or death. You are not dealing with an adult in this situation and I agree that the one spouse should spend time in jail and then rehabilitation and anger management before being allowed back into a relationship with their children.     On the other hand, I have heard of too many break ups because one spouse will not do their share of the housework or wants to spend weekends on a motorbike instead of yard work. Many of these difficulties can be worked out with a competent counselor. The parents have to look at the root of their problems and see if they can be resolved for the short term.     One of my favourite science fiction writers has marriages being contracts of varying lengths. The common one is for 25 years or until the youngest turns 21. After that time, it can be renewed if both parties want to or they can go their separate ways at that point. The underlying theory in this concept is that "Til death do us part" was created when we had an average lifespan of 50 years. Both surviving after 25 years of marriage was a rare and celebrated event. Now we have 60th Anniversary Announcements in the paper and many wonder if they have to put up with another 45 years as well or if they should get out now. If they instead had a light at the end of the tunnel and all they had to do was maintain peace and treat the other parent with respect and common courtesy, then it would be the children that benefit the most.     While I agree with the concept of not staying where you are not happy, you both have made a vow to the children that you will both help them develop until they are ready to be on their own. If that means a few years of unhappiness to fulfill this vow to your children then I say work on the relationship and find a way to stay together and not fight for a few more years. In the mean time, do not have any more children. Buy the house next door or rent the apartment in the next block. Be civilized and flexible when arranging child care by putting the child first as often as possible. Do not move to another city and expect the one parent to do all the driving. You miss too many important events in the child's life if you move to another city because you are not happy in the city that the child is going to school in. It is only for ten more years and then you should have another forty or fifty years all to yourself.     Parents who separate to fulfill their own pursuit of happiness rather than fulfilling the vow made to the children will only teach their children that contracts are to be broken and that they should put their happiness ahead of everything else including their own children.   "

First of all, you can't start hypothesizing based on observations made at ONE high-school graduation. I know a lot of people, both children and adults, who have been negatively affected by divorce, as well as negatively affected by their parents staying together. And you don't know what else has gone on in a person life that may account for them doing badly in school, in their profession, etc.  
 
And I'm curious...what vow do parents make to their children, exactly? I do not recall my parents ever making me any vows...  
 
I completely disagree with this statement:  
 
"Parents who separate to fulfill their own pursuit of happiness rather than fulfilling the vow made to the children will only teach their children that contracts are to be broken and that they should put their happiness ahead of everything else including their own children."  
 
Again, my parents and I have never had any sort of contract, so the whole idea of "breaking a contract" wouldn't even register with me. And in fact, if one of the greatest lessons in life that my mother taught me was that I should remain unhappy in a loveless marriage for decades of my life, for any reason, I would be tremendously resentful of her.  
 
Both parents can be a benefit in a child's life, and often more so, even if they are divorced and not living together. While some kids claim that they never knew their parents were unhappy, I can tell you they are the minority. Children, at any age, can sense when their parents are unhappy. When parents stay together in a unhappy marriage, they can be depressed, hot-tempered, tense...and all of these things impact the children. Even when the parents don't fight and scream at each other, the kids know that they are not happy.  
 
I don't agree that parents should get divorced over trivial things like housework. I do think that parents should try to salvage their marriage if it CAN be salvaged. You are sending the wrong message to your kids by not at least trying to make it work. But there are marriages that simply can not work, and those parents owe it to their children to go their separate ways, with as little animosity as possible, and still be active in their children's lives.  

a good parent is a good parent, regardless if they are married or not. if a divorced mom or dad is a shitty parent, chances are they would have been a shitty parent even had they not divorced, possibly even more so cuz they would have been unhappy on top of it.  
 
most people understand that marriage is hard work and not something to be taken lightly. MOST(but not all) married ppl do not divorce because of housework or any other small matter. just because it looks like they didnt work on their marriage to you doesnt mean that they didnt try behind closed doors. divorce can be a good thing in the right situation.  
 
also, who are we to say what is a long enough time for a couple to work on their relationship? perhaps a couple has worked on it for a year and they have decided to call it quits cuz they know they will never be happy. maybe another couple works on theirs for 5 years and calls it quits. perhaps another only works on it for 6 months. life is short, dont be miserable longer then you have too. sometimes we just know when we have found the one to spend the rest of our life with and other times we just know when its time to call it quits.  
 
there is no right or wrong way to do a relationship, just what works for you and your partner and your own family. the differences in ppl is what makes the world go 'round.

toby0714 said "I have done so much for him. I haven't maybe told him enough that I love him but I made his lunches and would do absolutely anything for him. I would hope that he knows how much I love him. I just wanted to be "the perfect happy family" but it seems he doesn't want it. He wants to throw in the towel and give up on our marriage. I am trying my best to fight for it but I can't do it alone. "

Aw, hugs to you Toby! Pray for a miracle, it works. My marriage was living proof of it. PM me if you want.