Anyone witnessed physical abuse by a man against his wife (Man breaks two bones in wife's body during the 29.5 years of marriage)- either as a child of the marriage or as a neighbor or are you aware of such happening to a friend?  
 
Is it okay for a judge to listen to testimony at a Trial whereby the man admits on the stand and at Discoveries to physically abusing his wife (hitting her) and other abuse during their marriagr- and then the judge does not even seem to place any value or importance at issuing an order for a Prevention Order to follow a Protection Order which was in place for three years. So I guess there is a lesson to be learned on this one - doesn't matter what you do - you can hit your spouse and break her bones and you walk away without even a bit of punishment. Wow - what have the children of the marriage learned - father hits mother - lies with affidavits filed in the courts for almost three years and then admits - but hey still through evidence presented at court and testimony - and the man just walks away free - soaring like an eagle - sure a good thing we have lawyers to defend such people!

What do you think guys is it okay for a man to hit his wife?

I think from your 2 threads you have going, maybe you should seek out a councilor and deal with some of these issues you are having! It sounds to me like you really need to talk to someone!

Have any women ever prayed that someone who weighs 100 lbs more than their husband would hit him the way he hits his wife that weighs 100 lbs less than he?

Yep said "I think from your 2 threads you have going, maybe you should seek out a councilor and deal with some of these issues you are having! It sounds to me like you really need to talk to someone! "

Yep - do you have a problem with people speaking up of those who wear the robes and make the decisions which in turn has huge impacts on peoples lives. If so you should visit the courthouse someday - you may learn a thing or two.

from both your posts/rants, that you've had a stressful bad day in court, in which things did not go your way. Prevention orders/protection orders are not there to 'punish' the abuser, but to be used as a tool to protect the victim. I'd guess that the judge felt there wasnt enough evidence to justify setting an order today. If you are worried for your safety, talk to someone at the women's shelter, they can help guide you through the process of getting prevention/protection orders. I'd suggest you take yep's advice and seek counselling to help you through an obviously difficult time, rather than ranting on ebrandon with threads that have no point. I do understand that the judge made several rulings that you do not agree with but thats usually the way it goes in court, someone walks out happy, and someone unhappy.

Yikes. I think you should seek professional help.

Tamara79 said "from both your posts/rants, that you've had a stressful bad day in court, in which things did not go your way. Prevention orders/protection orders are not there to 'punish' the abuser, but to be used as a tool to protect the victim. I'd guess that the judge felt there wasnt enough evidence to justify setting an order today. If you are worried for your safety, talk to someone at the women's shelter, they can help guide you through the process of getting prevention/protection orders. I'd suggest you take yep's advice and seek counselling to help you through an obviously difficult time, rather than ranting on ebrandon with threads that have no point. I do understand that the judge made several rulings that you do not agree with but thats usually the way it goes in court, someone walks out happy, and someone unhappy. "

Posts/Rants - you may call them that if you wish - but no I have not had a stressful day in court - rather received the judges brilliant judgment - I have never in my life learned so very much about our judicial system as when I was in Trial for 4 days in March and then 2 more days in June - oh and I should not forget the 2 hours of closing from both sides.  
If the person who physically abused a person admitting on the stand is not enough for a judge to render a decision accordingly with respect to information at hand - and to think that that same person filled court documents indicating that he had never hit his wife and there there was no abuse - then why even have a judge - why even have a justice system.  
I never in my wildest dreams expected a judge to be so biased and express such favor towards a man that has abused his wife and admitted to it on the stands in the courthouse - oh and under oath! Under oath or not - really no different than filing a number of affidavits with lies.  
I thank you for the advice of speaking to those at the Women's Shelter - I have been there before - and honestly what are they gonna do any different to deal with a judge who ignores testimony.  
 
I have used this EXAMPLE a few times over the course of three years - If I was driving down the street and ran someone over and killed them - but no one saw of or knew it was me - I guess that would mean I could just get away with it - (much like the silence of how women live with abusers) - BUT if the police or justice system found out two years following - would that mean that it's okay and no charges would be laid. (Much like how many women finally find the courage to speak up against abuse in their relationships and leave for their safety and the abuser even with admittance just get away with his behaviour)  
 
It is not a matter of happy or unhappy - it is a fact that women live with men who are abusive and do not leave due to lack of courage to speak up - well I was one of those - but it is important for women to realize they can speak up - they need not feel shame that they were hit - as no woman asks to be hit. Believe me - if you have ever walked in the shoes of a woman who gets hit by her husband - it's so not cool! So ladies - no man has a right to hit you - and I am sure you did not ask to be hit - I know I didn't!  
 
Testimony is even given with respect to the abuser holding a 22 rifle to the woman's forehead (years ago but have had guns shot and life threatened by the man)- and hey that doesn't warrant the re-instatement of an Order to protect the woman - That is what I find appalling with respect to the judges decision.  
 
Rant and Rave - you say - well let's also talk about the testimony whereby calls are made to 911 in a rural area and no one responds - no one came to the residence. And 5 days later the wife finds the courage to get out for her safety. Exhibits are provided to verify the phone calls - and yet that too does not seem to have any impact for the judge.  
 
I have come to the conclusion that unless there is a body - which causes there to be an investigation as to the cause of death - that women will continue to be abused and be made to feel by people like judges, masters, who ignore testimony) and the police who do not attend when calls are made to 911 - that women will die at the hands of their abusers and then people in the community will hold vigils in their memory.  
 
But what about the children who grew up thinking that it was okay for the father to hit their mother - where does that leave them in their future relationships???

creeping said "Yikes. I think you should seek professional help. "

I thank you for your opinion - for which you are so entitled - but I do believe that it is hard for people to hear it out of the mouths of those who have "Walked a Mile" in her shoes!  
 
And shall I ask did you sign up and walk with high heels to raise funds to support initiatives against family violence here in Brandon in May. Second year the event occurred - Thank You to all those who had the courage to wear the high heels - not easy for a man to wear high heels - but not easy when a women lives with an abusive man either!

it sucks but your not living with him now so get a better lawyer and move on, be happy with what you have left of your life, maybe go get an education and become a women's rights advocate?

I also worry what the children have learned from the mother who stayed and got hit. Because they have learned from both, trust me.

Not a good example - not great for them to build self-confidence and self-esteem - I can not imagine having grown up in an environment like what my children grew up in.

creeping said "Yikes. I think you should seek professional help. "

Well the idea of posting on this chat group has given me great insight on how society responds or views some very sensitive issues. I did also start another chat last evening - and it to was viewed as rant/rave - amazing how when one speaks the truth of issues that are not normal regular conversations or that speak on people in their professions and their lack of accountability in their roles has people responding.  
 
I was always of the understanding from listening to news releases that when calls are made to 911 that officers are sent - but hey there were more than one call made 5 days prior to my leaving the abusive man - and not a once this an officer attend the rural yard-site.  
 
When you have lived with an abusive person for many many years and you have lied to protect against the shame of disclosing that your partner hits you and to keep the family in tact as a unit for the sake of the children or so that is what you think while living in those circumstances - then people really do have a hard time facing the truth when it is spoken. As the old saying goes "What goes on behind two people's closed doors - no one ever really knows unless you are living there!" Tactful abusers do not hit their spouses in the presence of others - yes the children - but not in front of friends or neighbors. That is when they put up their best front. And don't get me wrong this person is so amazing to other people and so that is exactly what the judge got to see - even though if you would have been in the courtroom at time of trial and known the man for the number of years I did - it was evident that he was sedated. As I reflect on the judges judgment I find it appalling to read how he describes the person who was irritated and angered - who flipped a binder of documents on the floor while testifying on the stand to not warrant providing the wife with the prevention order that she sought for her protection.  
 
I do believe that your idea of professional help is one avenue to direct what is being said on here - cause most times than not - most abused women do not gain the courage and strength to speak up - oh yes that is true as that is how when I lived in that environment that I too did not speak up or seek professional help - but that is what happens when you are lead to believe that you deserve that you are being hit cause you caused Anger.  
 
I asked, pleaded with the man that he seek professional help for his anger issues - but all through the years I was told and lead to believe that it was my fault that he became angered and hit me. I do firmly believe that the anger he carried was from his childhood and I also definitely have learned prior to my disclosure of the abuse in our home that when I asked his mother if she was ever hit by her husband - the response after asking the second time was "Well let's put it this way - ...... was not exactly the easiest man to live with." I personally had never seen my ex's father hit his wife or any of the children - but in saying that people did not realize that my ex had hit me either for which I disclosed when I left in February of 2009.

"Well the idea of posting on this chat group has given me great insight on how society responds or views some very sensitive issues"  
 
A handful of responses to your post hardly dictates the views of society.

Sandy said ""Well the idea of posting on this chat group has given me great insight on how society responds or views some very sensitive issues"     A handful of responses to your post hardly dictates the views of society. "

Your are so correct - not many people willing to step out of their comfort zone and speak out on issues that are very sensitive or that are so much a part of society. Most people are concerned with the image they present - "It is more important to look good - than to speak for the good"  
 
I look forward to seeing more posts today maybe - but on the other hand their are many cowards - they will not speak up due to it may jeopardize their careers - but I have a different opinion since I hide the issues of abuse in my marriage for so very very many years - as I have learned that I did my children no favors by staying - what they learned and for which they will likely exemplify in their relationships - due to learned behavior in their childhood - so what is more important - speak the truth - create awareness and hopefully someone may read any of these posts and realize that there will be hurdles to face in speaking out - as PHYSICAL ABUSE IS WRONG!! or is it more important to maintain the false perfect image and not enter into any controveral topics of discussion.  
 
Judge for yourself!  
 

traveller said "it sucks but your not living with him now so get a better lawyer and move on, be happy with what you have left of your life, maybe go get an education and become a women's rights advocate? "

You see I am not huge on that idea - but definitely interested in some area associated with domestic violence - cause I have walked that mile in my shoes - only one situation but at least I can speak from experience and not from text book or stats. I'm Alive and I am real - not a fictional character!

I will preface this by saying that I am not a lawyer, but having accessed more than one, I think I can speak intelligently on the matter.  
I'm not sure what you mean when you say that the lawyer was not representing you. The judgements you were seeking, according to your previous posts have pretty cut and dry criteria that, if met, will facilitate a decision in your favour. A lawyer representing you will, to the best of their ability present the strongest case possible demonstrating how you meet the criteria in the matters they are hired to handle. Everyone knows lawyers are expensive, but if you are unable to pay for one, perhaps you should look into accessing legal aid, rather than representing yourself. I know from experience that separations are emotionally charged under the best of circumstances, but it is up to you to present yourself in the best way possible to a judge if you expect that they will rule in your favour.  
The way I see it, there are 3 legal issues you are dealing with. I discussed the protection order and the spousal support in my last post, but I will make an additional mention of the spousal support as I think I was unclear on my point last time. Spousal support is not a punitive measure for being a bad spouse. It is intended to allow you an opportunity to get back on your feet without being destitute as a result of the separation. The black and white of it is that you need to demonstrate his income, your income, and how much it will cost you to live. The difference in what you make, and what you need will demonstrate (or not) a need for spousal support. Whether or not he abused you while you were together is irrelevant. Any attempt to bring that up in court would be seen as you responding emotionally (argumentatively) to what is not really an emotional situation (from the perspective of the judge). Whether or not your ex should pay spousal support has nothing to do, legally, with whether or not he abused you. Which leads me to my next point, the abuse.  
The abuse you experienced is a criminal matter. if you want that brought before a judge, and for him to be held accountable for it, I suggest that you go to the police and discuss laying criminal charges for any abuse that you can prove. if you have transcripts that he admitted under oath to abusing you, then that makes your case even stronger. The police will investigate, and you will not need to obtain a lawyer, as the charges would be fought by a prosecutor, not a litigator. You have many choices in this situation, and I suggest you take them one at a time.  
Again, I hope you are able to find the help you need to make peace with this situation.

I like where this is going, from what I gather someone who was in a long lasting physically abusive relationship is now online attempting to emotionally abuse people to make them think/respond in a manner that they've deemed correct. I understand that this may not be your intent and you have a good message to share but you're risking destroying the value of the message by using a method that won't deliver real results.  
 
I will be honest, I can't be bothered to read every reply/comment in this thread(and there's not many yet) but the way it's going it just isn't worth it to me. Mental and physical abuse are both horrible and people need to have support systems available to them help them cope and eventually deal with these, both sides too I don't think a human should ever feel the need to belittle or beat another person.  
 
I don't know you but I am glad that you are alive and I'm happy that you made it out of a relationship that sounded horrible. I hope you rethink what you want to do with this message though. Do you want to educate people that they don't have to put up with abuse? Do you feel that only women need to be protected?(you seem pretty set on the man vs woman aspect) Do you want people to blindly listen to you and agree on every aspect? Are you willing to accept that some people see that you are very hurt and while they don't know how to help you they honestly and truly want you to get help? Not just a "professional" but you like to think that maybe they have some experience dealing with recovery that maybe your average every day person wouldn't.  
 
I look forward to seeing other posts made by you. I may even try and read these current ones but I get about 20 words into the replies and it crushes me because it feels like a blind rage is feeding them and completely overpowering everything.

I haven't read all your posts but if you did not press charges at the time that you were abused, I don't think there's anything that a court can do now. Too much time may have passed, and if you chose not to do anything about the abuse til you went to court over custody/divorce proceedings, it's kind of like going back to a restaurant a week later after dining there and they screwed up your order. Too late. Sorry that you are going through this, but ebrandon is really not the place to seek support, help or councel on these types of legal matters. (or any matter really, unless it's a fluff question).

Tamara 79 - You wrote - "Prevention orders/protection orders are not there to 'punish' the abuser, but to be used as a tool to protect the victim. I'd guess that the judge felt there wasnt enough evidence to justify setting an order today."  
 
What I seem to be reluctant in understanding is how the ex threatened to kill his ex wife in the presence of two lawyers since the separation date- whereby the ex wife testifies of such at Trial - the ex lawyer also testifies under oath of such - the ex husband also admitted under oath having done so - but now this is where is gets a little interesting - the ex's first ex lawyer - sits on the stand under oath and states that he does not remember - oops now that was amazing - can't remember I guess for this lawyer details is not a great skill of his. But when this threat actually was made neither of the lawyers reported such to the authorities and also when the ex wife did - then her lawyer made motion to remove herself as counsel - which that too carried on unnecessarily. So I wonder who was wasting tax payers dollars at taking the motion to remove herself as counsel as she thought she was in a conflict of interest in continuing to represent her client.  
 
So remember he threatens to kill his wife - in the presence of professionals and no mention of that in the judgement detail document - I guess when a person reads a judgement document it can not always include information which was relevant and at the discretion of the judge it may not have been viewed as relevant. But at the very least should have aided in the establishment of his character or reason why the ex wife would be seeking a Prevention Order - for her safety!

Because we have two discussions going, I'm going to close this particular one but I'd encourage anyone wanting or willing to continue the discussion to visit the main thread at:  
http://www.ebrandon.ca/messagethread.aspx?message_id=662710&cat_id=3