Hey guys this is drastic.  
My bff asked me go to Minneapolis with her for a week to MOA, Rascall flatts concert, And state fair of Minnesota  
And my parents are saying no because they think i will be too tired and stressed for University and my new job when i come home.  
I get home on the 1st and school starts the 5th with orientation on the 4th and job on the 3rd, school is 2days per week and my job is sorting potatoes 12hours a day on the other 5.  
I don't understand why i'm not allowed to have fun for once, i don't have many friends and i have never had an opportunity like this plus it's her birthday party thing and i'm her only good friend.  
Can i have opinions please.  
(Ps, i am almost 18 and i have my license and a car)

You still live with your parents? If you do and you're under 18, then I think the choice is ultimately theirs. Once you move out on your own, start paying your own way, then you can do what you want.  
 
Maybe you can have a bday celebration for your friend here. Go to the theatre, bowling or out for supper.

its simple. If your under their roof, eating their food, using their phones/internet/tv its their rules. Sorry but thats how most conservative parents raise their kids. It sucks yes but its how the worm turns.

I don't think this qualifies as drastic, depressing or disappointing maybe...but I will say I can't see how potato sorting will be stressful...tiring maybe. Are you totally prepared for University? Or can you be before you leave? Try sitting down with your parents when you've calmed down & discuss this as an adult with them. Is there past history that makes them worry about you not being ready?  
Just your title makes me think that you think you deserve this trip but maybe you've done something, anything - I don't know what...to make your parents think you aren't responsible to handle all this. You will be busy - just reread your post...5 days at work & 2 at school - when will you have time for schoolwork? I know harvest is short term but I think you need to sit down with your parents & talk this over in a calm manner.  
 
Good luck & it won't be the end of the world if you don't go...but it would be nice for you to go with your friend (oh, and are you the only friend going? - that might be part of our parent's issue - either not enough people going or too many!!)  
 
And as the others have pointed out...if you're living at home, ultimately it's their decision.  
 
Edited by , 2012-08-18 22:42:34

just go. What are they really going to do?

unless you are dependent on them for the money to go, then i'd just go for it. you are 18 and they can't really tell you what you are allowed to do anymore.  
 
have fun before school starts

meezi said "Hey guys this is drastic.   My bff asked me go to Minneapolis with her for a week to MOA, Rascall flatts concert, And state fair of Minnesota   And my parents are saying no because they think i will be too tired and stressed for University and my new job when i come home.   I get home on the 1st and school starts the 5th with orientation on the 4th and job on the 3rd, school is 2days per week and my job is sorting potatoes 12hours a day on the other 5.   I don't understand why i'm not allowed to have fun for once, i don't have many friends and i have never had an opportunity like this plus it's her birthday party thing and i'm her only good friend.   Can i have opinions please.   (Ps, i am almost 18 and i have my license and a car) "

Sit down, make a list of reasons you should be able to go including proving that you are responsible. Use examples of your past history ~ hopefully you have held up your grades, lived up to your end of the bargain, etc.  
 
Approach this is a cool and calm manner, cite your reasons, and ask for them to support this once in a life time trip with your bff because once you start University, there will not be another opportunity again for at least the next four years and after that most people go their own way.  
 
Offer to shorten the trip by a couple of days. Compromise. It is hard for them to let go too.  
 
If you have been a "model" child, kept your grades up, and promise and keep the promise to put your heart and soul into your school and job upon your return, they may reconsider. You have nothing to lose at this point and demonstrating your maturity at being able to discuss this will go a long way.  
 
Good luck!  

Since you will still be under 18 you may need written consent to cross the border without your parents!!  
 
Sounds like you are quite fortunate to have your own car so I don't think your mom is being to unfair.....it is not the end of the world and if you think it is...you have one long road ahead of you!!  
 
Maybe your mom is skeptical of you girls driving in the us in unknown territory...  
 
If you do go, make sure the car insurance has the MAX liability insurance and you also get your blue cross coverage!!

When I was 21 my sister moved back to Brandon but still had possession of her apartment in Winnipeg for another week. I asked her permission to stay there during that time and she said I could but my parents said absolutely not. Yes, I was furious. 21 and I couldn't even go to Winnipeg for one week and stay in my sister's apartment where she had been living by herself since she was 18? I am still sort of ticked about that all these years later. Thinking back I still can't think of a reason, none was given at the time. I lived at home still but I had a job, was paying household bills, and money saved.

Is absolutely everything ready for school? I think that there is still a lot of work to do getting set up for University. Do you have the English Literature texts read? The book lists are available at the bookstore so you can get started and ahead of the study plan. Also, For every hour of lecture, you need to schedule three hours of homework and studying. By doing some pre-studying now, working the potato harvest will not interfere as much with your studying once class starts.  
 
Getting ready for University is a good excuse. They do not think you are mature enough to be on your own in a foreign country without close adult supervision. Almost 18 does not cut it. In the states, that is not recognized as an adult for a number of things. There needs to be an adult that will take responsibility for everyone. A week of two unsupervised "almost 18" girls is a disaster waiting to happen.  
 
What sort of attitude did you have in high school? What sort of marks were you able to get in the last couple of years at school? Did you also complete any of the extra courses offered such as Advanced Placement or International Baccalaureate or college certificate programs or did you work just hard enough to qualify for the basic diploma?  
 
How much money will you not make in the week that you are gone? University is expensive. The tuition is just the start of it. It would be better to work in August and tuck that extra money aside so when studies start to interfere with work, you can miss a shift or two.  
 
But then again, according to my daughter, I am the ultimate Totally Unfair Mother.  

Some parents just want/need to control everything and they can until you get out from under their thumb. From your post and unless there are underlying reasons, I don't see why you shouldn't go. Parents need to let almost adults live a little. You must be somewhat responsible and have a head on your shoulders if you have a job (12 hours shift) and are furthering your education.  
 
Go. Have a blast. Deal with the consequences when you return. There are some opportunites that don't come around again. If you wait until you're 45 until you actually do anything FUN, what a waste. Life is to be lived.  
 
If you accidently die the second week of September, I can hear your parents saying, "We should have let her go."  
 
Live with NO REGRETS! GO!  
 
 

meezi said "Hey guys this is drastic.   My bff asked me go to Minneapolis with her for a week to MOA, Rascall flatts concert, And state fair of Minnesota   And my parents are saying no because they think i will be too tired and stressed for University and my new job when i come home.   I get home on the 1st and school starts the 5th with orientation on the 4th and job on the 3rd, school is 2days per week and my job is sorting potatoes 12hours a day on the other 5.   I don't understand why i'm not allowed to have fun for once, i don't have many friends and i have never had an opportunity like this plus it's her birthday party thing and i'm her only good friend.   Can i have opinions please.   (Ps, i am almost 18 and i have my license and a car) "

just wondering,do you have a passport?You will need one to go into the states.Also it will take up to a month to get one.

Sure it might have been a different time but we use to go to that foreign country all the time. Egad! We were only 16, 17, 18. Our trips were never disasters waiting to happen. They were awesome!  
 
And really, what young adult isn't tired? "Sleep is for the weak" worked for us back then. We were YOUNG. It wasn't an issue.  
 
So...we travelled to non-disasters AND we ran on adrenalin AND we survived and are all happy and successful in our 40's. Imagine that!  
 
Go for it!

sokolovic said "its simple. If your under their roof, eating their food, using their phones/internet/tv its their rules. Sorry but thats how most conservative parents raise their kids. It sucks yes but its how the worm turns. "

"my house, my rules..."  
 
Remember that one being cited for many years... The decision is yours to make, and my opinion is you're not mature enough to go as you need validation from strangers.  
 
I learned very early "...fear is fleeting, regret forever..." and got into a host of trouble for following this. BUT the world has changed for the worse, and your parents have tasted this bitter change.  
 
Make your bed and lie in it. Live with your decision.  
 
{good luck}

I know it stands for Best Friends Forever but who is this person? Do they have a mature and level head on their shoulders or are they interested (focused on) alcohol? Did they graduate with honours or scrap by with a few courtesy passes from teachers that did not want to deal with them anymore?  
 
There have been studies done where it was determined that brain cells continue to develop even past the eighteenth birthday. The part of the brain still developing at this age is the Frontal Cortex. To save you a google, it is the thinking and reasoning part of the brain where decisions are made. Eighteen year old children do not have all of these brain cells yet and that is why many of them make poor decisions.  
 
I would not let my 17 year old go to Dauphin for a weekend unless I went with her (and stayed in the hotel and did my own shopping trips but was still minutes away instead of a couple of hours).  
 
Unless there is a responsible adult with all of their brain cells (not damaged by alcohol and drugs either), I would not allow my eighteen year old to go into the US. She will no longer be living with me but still receiving substantial financial support and this will only continue if she follows "my house, my rules" while living at the University.  
 
To quote Judge Judy, "You aren't finished cooking yet."  
 

meezu "This is drastic"  
 
Sounds like you may be spoiled!! 10 years from now, you will look back and wonder what the big deal was...  
Just like back in the day it seemed devastating if I couldn't go out BOTH Friday AND Saturday night, now I look back and it wasn't the end of the world!! I didn't miss out on anything!! (that was before FB where the world know's everything right away!!) Just relax and get ready to go to University and get a good education, make good money and travel all you want!!

tangerinetoes said "meezu "This is drastic"     Sounds like you may be spoiled!! 10 years from now, you will look back and wonder what the big deal was...   Just like back in the day it seemed devastating if I couldn't go out BOTH Friday AND Saturday night, now I look back and it wasn't the end of the world!! I didn't miss out on anything!! (that was before FB where the world know's everything right away!!) Just relax and get ready to go to University and get a good education, make good money and travel all you want!! "

I second that for sure!!!!  
Parents a lot of times get a bad rap for doing anything these days.  
Breathe, relax and refocus. Sit and talk to your parents like the adult you would like to be treated like....and have a very mature level-headed conversation and get the answers you are looking for. How do we know why your mom won't let you go. ASK HER!  

katwalk1909 said "I know it stands for Best Friends Forever but who is this person? Do they have a mature and level head on their shoulders or are they interested (focused on) alcohol? Did they graduate with honours or scrap by with a few courtesy passes from teachers that did not want to deal with them anymore?     There have been studies done where it was determined that brain cells continue to develop even past the eighteenth birthday. The part of the brain still developing at this age is the Frontal Cortex. To save you a google, it is the thinking and reasoning part of the brain where decisions are made. Eighteen year old children do not have all of these brain cells yet and that is why many of them make poor decisions.     I would not let my 17 year old go to Dauphin for a weekend unless I went with her (and stayed in the hotel and did my own shopping trips but was still minutes away instead of a couple of hours).     Unless there is a responsible adult with all of their brain cells (not damaged by alcohol and drugs either), I would not allow my eighteen year old to go into the US. She will no longer be living with me but still receiving substantial financial support and this will only continue if she follows "my house, my rules" while living at the University.     To quote Judge Judy, "You aren't finished cooking yet."     "

Really, you are quoting Judge Judy? The Queen of Drama?!?!  
 
One does not "finish cooking" until they have a number of life's lessons under their belt and even then we are always learning. Judge Judy still has some growing to do as we all do. We never stop learning.  
 
You hold them back and when they do get their freedom, they don't know what to do with it. If the parents have done their due diligence throughout the years, they have raised a pretty stable child that will be able to make decisions and yes, mistakes of their own. We made our mistakes even though we were told otherwise but hey, “it won’t happen to me!”  
 
I too use the “my house, my rules” but my rules will change when respect is shown and maturity demonstrated through their actions.  
 
If the parents have not met the young person their daughter wishes to travel with, meet them and their parents.  
 
In this day and age of modern technology, there is no reason not to be able to be in contact with one another.  
 
 
 
 
 
Edited by Amused, 2012-08-19 11:32:36

RonHart said "just go. What are they really going to do? "

RonHart, if something happens to her, she is in another country that makes things a bit more complicated especially medically.  
 
As a parent, I would rather have my child contacting me and keeping me posted then to have me sitting there wondering if they were safe for a week.  
 
Communication and trust are huge. I hope they are able to work out a compromise that they both can work with.  

katwalk1909 said "I know it stands for Best Friends Forever but who is this person? Do they have a mature and level head on their shoulders or are they interested (focused on) alcohol? Did they graduate with honours or scrap by with a few courtesy passes from teachers that did not want to deal with them anymore?     There have been studies done where it was determined that brain cells continue to develop even past the eighteenth birthday. The part of the brain still developing at this age is the Frontal Cortex. To save you a google, it is the thinking and reasoning part of the brain where decisions are made. Eighteen year old children do not have all of these brain cells yet and that is why many of them make poor decisions.     I would not let my 17 year old go to Dauphin for a weekend unless I went with her (and stayed in the hotel and did my own shopping trips but was still minutes away instead of a couple of hours).     Unless there is a responsible adult with all of their brain cells (not damaged by alcohol and drugs either), I would not allow my eighteen year old to go into the US. She will no longer be living with me but still receiving substantial financial support and this will only continue if she follows "my house, my rules" while living at the University.     To quote Judge Judy, "You aren't finished cooking yet."     "

you wouldn't allow a 17 year old to go to Dauphin without you being a couple of minutes away? Will you allow her to go to the bathroom without you to be their to wipe her behind? Can she cross the street without you, how about sit in a class full of under-mature classmates without Mommy keeping and eye on her....Of course their brain is still developing as I hope yours is as we learn something everyday (I know some think they are know-it-alls.......)  
Great to see you are using the "I am supporting you somewhat so you do as I say bullshit"  
How about trying to use the "as you show maturity, honesty and respect you will be allowed to lengthen the leash trial and error approach?  
 
I know some 40+ year olds with poorer decision making ability than some 16 year olds so keep watching Judge Judy and using her quotes if you need someone to make those decisions for you.  
 
Some peoples brains are still cooking and some peoples brains are as burnt as breakfast as the saying goes..lol  
 
Edited by Terry9366, 2012-08-19 11:41:27

Terry9366 said "    katwalk1909 said "I know it stands for Best Friends Forever but who is this person? Do they have a mature and level head on their shoulders or are they interested (focused on) alcohol? Did they graduate with honours or scrap by with a few courtesy passes from teachers that did not want to deal with them anymore?     There have been studies done where it was determined that brain cells continue to develop even past the eighteenth birthday. The part of the brain still developing at this age is the Frontal Cortex. To save you a google, it is the thinking and reasoning part of the brain where decisions are made. Eighteen year old children do not have all of these brain cells yet and that is why many of them make poor decisions.     I would not let my 17 year old go to Dauphin for a weekend unless I went with her (and stayed in the hotel and did my own shopping trips but was still minutes away instead of a couple of hours).     Unless there is a responsible adult with all of their brain cells (not damaged by alcohol and drugs either), I would not allow my eighteen year old to go into the US. She will no longer be living with me but still receiving substantial financial support and this will only continue if she follows "my house, my rules" while living at the University.     To quote Judge Judy, "You aren't finished cooking yet."     " you wouldn't allow a 17 year old to go to Dauphin without you being a couple of minutes away? Will you allow her to go to the bathroom without you to be their to wipe her behind? Can she cross the street without you, how about sit in a class full of under-mature classmates without Mommy keeping and eye on her....Of course their brain is still developing as I hope yours is as we learn something everyday (I know some think they are know-it-alls.......)   Great to see you are using the "I am supporting you somewhat so you do as I say bullshit"   How about trying to use the "as you show maturity, honesty and respect you will be allowed to lengthen the leash trial and error approach?     I know some 40+ year olds with poorer decision making ability than some 16 year olds so keep watching Judge Judy and using her quotes if you need someone to make those decisions for you.     Some peoples brains are still cooking and some peoples brains are as burnt as breakfast as the saying goes..lol     Edited by Terry9366, 2012-08-19 11:41:27"

But you have a comment in your post that hit the nail on the head: "allowed to lengthen the leash trial and error approach". We're talking about a kid who is: a) still dependent on their parents b) still under 18, no matter how close that "magic birthday" is. We're also talking about a week-long trip a good 9 hours' drive away.  
 
What about a weekend shopping trip in Winnipeg to start? To me, that would be "lengthening the leash" at a more appropriate level for this person's age. A few successful weekend jaunts under his or her belt, and a week away in Minneapolis at the age of 21 might be more realistic. :-)

I agree 100% and I never referred to the trip to the USA, just Katwalks referral to a 2 day trip to say Dauphin.......Kids gotta learn to crawl, than walk, than run.  
 
Edited by Terry9366, 2012-08-19 11:59:03

being an adult means learning a rule called "don't bite the hand that feeds you" If your parents are helping pay for university (or providing free room and board) it would be smart to not piss them off a week before you are relying on them.  
If I was you I would have an adult talk with them explaining your plans and why it is important to you ( not just because I really really wanna...) tell them you are getting ready to work super hard in uni and want to relax and have an adventure before. (also mention you will have a harder time getting into trouble in The US since you are well underage and that if they trust you enough to go out Friday nights in Brandon you will be safe.) This will only work if you have been responsible in the past, if they have reason to worry about your ability to make good decisions you will not get a consent  

As someone who travelled between Canada and the US a lot when I was underage and on my own I would recommend getting your parents permission and then have them sign a letter of consent.  
 
It all depends on who is working customs but some of them have issues with minors crossing the border without parents. I was almost not allowed once because I didn't have a letter and I was a month from turning 18, I really had to plead with the guy and say that my mom dropped me off and I was flying to visit my dad and had to give address and such cuz he was concerned I was running away.

Anything can happen anywhere at any time be it in Brandon or Minneapolis or...Dauphin.  
 
People who attempt to control others with money make me cringe. Controllers alienate those they try to control with the excuses that they know what's best for them and are doing it out of love. That is pure and utter garbage. Control freaks have real issues that they need to address. Way to go - throw kids into the real world without the safety net and with minimal real life experiences.  
 
I would love to learn the REAL reasons Ma & Pa OP won't allow this trip to happen.  
 
High five to my folks for letting me live life!

Don't defy your parents while living under THEIR roof. If you don't like the rules then move and pay ALL your own bills and only then can you make your own decisions. We only know your side of the story, and as a parent I would like to think my kids would respect my decision even if they don't like it. People that are telling you to "just go" don't have YOUR best interest in mind, but I guarantee your parents do.

I know this could be off topic, but somebody mentioned technology, which got me thinking!!  
 
Kids nowadays think they know everything and who isn't to say that one of you have been communicating online with someone who is going to meet up with you at MOA?? With your reaction to this being so DRASTIC, there could be a little more than just a little shopping trip involved....really hope not, but one just never knows....

Do you fully understand the legal system in the US? Did you know that, being under 18, would mean that your mother could be held legally and therefore financially liable for anything you accidentally damage while in the US?  
 
Whether you are found guilty or not, small claims court has a lower level of proof required. Even if you get off via the legal system, you could be held financially responsible for the damage done. Because you are not an adult, this financial responsibility is passed on to your mother. She could lose her house, vehicle and other assets because of something that happens in the US. Even if you are not the guilty party, it could cost thousands to defend the claim.  
 
The rules for a lawsuit are very different in Canada. We do not have the "punitive damages" clause that US has that can send a lawsuit settlement into the stratosphere.  
 
Until you are emancipated from your parents, they are legally liable for what you do. They therefore have a right to restrict the risk of this liability.  
 
Move out, pay your own bills and remove this legal liability connection and you may have an argument with more substance. Until then, you are the responsibility of your mother and therefore must follow her rules.

wow! your parents said "no" to you, lets go complain to everyone. If they are helping to pay for your university either by tuition or just helping to live then i think they have some say. Secondly, if you are trying to prove that you are grown up then this is likely a good time to tell you that you are going to be told many times that you cant do something. "hey boss, my friends and i want to take off the next part of the week off to go have a good time" boss replies "No" then are you going to come here to rant. I hope not.

I'd say the parents need to loosen the leash a little bit...  
 
Especially since their main reason to not let you go is because of the "stress" it would cause so close to school and work.  
 
If they think you are mature enough to handle university and a job with 12 hour shifts, then I don't see the issue with a trip to the states before school.  
 
I think they may be feeding you the "stress" line instead of really being honest and telling you the real issue they have, which is probably along the lines of them being scared of you going so far away for a week on your own and also probable trust issues.  
 
I've been very independent from a young age and I'm sorry to hear your parents are holding you back.