Discussions

I volunteered for the first time at the Traditional Christmas Dinner held at the Victoria Inn. I wanted to embrace the Christmas spirit and help those in need at Christmas. I spent hours there on the 23rd of December and left a bit disheartened.  
 
I was genuinely amazed at how it was organized and the number of volunteers that were there, it shows a lot of dedication by a lot of great people. However, I learned that it was not what I thought it was. I thought it was serving those who otherwise could not afford a Christmas meal or those who had no one to spend Christmas with. I discovered that it serves 4000 or so people and that anyone could attend. I then discovered that people I know attend just because it is free and easy. They have the money to pay for their own Christmas meal, they came to a Brandon from a town nearby to visit their daughter, her husband and child and all of them were attending for the free meal. (Meaning, they were not going because they were alone at Christmas.) I have heard other examples as well of people with no need whatsoever attending because it is free and easy. (And I know them well enough that I’m not just assuming they have no need.)  
 
So, I looked around and saw literally thousands of dollars of food donated, gifts for children donated, time and resources donated by wonderful people but questioned if this time and money could be better spent on helping people with actual needs. I know that a percentage of the people going will have a financial need or would be alone at Christmas, I just can’t help but wonder how many actually fall into this category.  
 
I am involved with other charities in the city that are literally begging for money and volunteers to do amazing, life changing things for people experiencing all sorts of hardships. I couldn’t help by wondering if the businesses and people in town that are donating to this supper really understand that it might not be servicing or helping those that genuinely need that help. I saw 600 lbs of ham and 120 turkeys be donated, which is amazing. Then I thought, what if those people all donated the same amount through the year to the Soup Kitchen At Helping Hands ... who struggle throughout the year to feed those with genuine empty cupboards and tummies.  
 
My question is, am I not understanding this situation? Am I looking at it wrong? I want to help, I want to give to those in need, but I don’t want the amazing resources and volunteer hours to be misguided when they could actually be targeted to reach the most disadvantaged people in our community.

If you are willing to volunteer to help out a cause then good on you.  
 
I suspect the folks who run the event are well aware that there are those who would take advantage  
 
I believe they have decided that trying to police “need” means there is a possibility of accidental exclusion of some who are truly in need and is something they do not want to risk.  
 
So ultimately it is up to the folks who are going to police themselves with their conscience.  
 
Ultimately, providing a meal anytime of year is a fine act of altruism and that is all you need to consider when you volunteer.

Well as someone who donates to these events, I most certainly knew that this was available for everyone. For me it’s the Christmas spirit and sharing with all, not just those alone or disadvantaged. No one knows everyone’s story. Someone’s mother could’ve passed earlier in the year and they didn’t have the heart to make the meal themselves. Health could be other issues, etc. So many different circumstances. The fact that some people have money to put on their own spread but still choose to share the meal with the community, speaks volumes. I don’t care if they are there cause it’s “free and easy”, they are there and it doesn’t matter to me the why of it. Now if there were people who really needed it but were turned away because of lack of supplies, I may feel slightly different, but I haven’t heard that’s the case. But when I donate to a charity, I’m understanding that it is theirs to do what they will with it, and I don’t get to dictate who gets to use it.  
I’m just happy that it’s spreading the love and people are choosing to enjoy it.  
I personally don’t just donate to only help one set of people. If that’s how you want it done, than maybe pick one or two family’s personally and only choose to help them?!  
I donate because I can, because I want to, and because I’d like to know the same kindness would apply to me and my family if we ever needed to utilize them as well. I don’t like conditions set on my donations.  
 
Also, this dinner has been going on for over 35 years. In their des:cription it says “The Christmas Season is often a very lonely time for people from all walks of life. Everyone is welcome to come to the Victoria Inn for a nice hot meal, live entertainment, presents for the kids, fellowship, and of course a visit with Santa Claus.”  
Nowhere does it say just for those alone or disadvantaged. Once again, just my opinion.  
 
Edited by Cheezies, 2020-01-23 12:16:54

I think you make a good point, however, I think that I am not the only one who might have not have been aware of the purpose of this Christmas meal. I think there is a misconception as to who is benefitting from this meal. I truly believed it was families in need, who may not otherwise have a Christmas meal and gifts. Although, to my knowledge, nobody who truly is in need is turned away... there are many charitable organizations in the city that are desperate for financial support or for volunteers. So, there are thousands of dollars donated for this meal for everyone ( whether or not they have any financial or other need) while other charities targeted to help those in crisis go underfunded and struggle to get volunteers all year long. It’s just seems like a waste of resources when the people who may need those resources the most are still struggling the other 364 days of the year.

I am a busy person and not a rich person but I feel grateful for what I do have and want to help others. I would not donate my time or money to, for example, buy a car for someone who can afford one but simply wants a better one. I would, however, donate towards a car for a single mom who needs a vehicle to get to work and support her children. One has to think about where their donation money goes and where they are spending their times. Charitable organizations fill the gap for people who genuinely need help for a time in their lives. They can absolutely change lives for the better and make a lasting impact in people’s lives and the lives of their children. When I think about donating both my time and money, I want it to do the absolute best for the most amount of people.... and to be honest I want it to help the people who need it the most.

....didn't say that well.  
 
What I meant to say is, good on you for helping out.  
 
The fact that there is many people who are not in need does not in anyway diminish your kind act though it may mean you will not volunteer again.  
 
I understand what you mean about wanting your efforts to be towards those in true need. I am very careful about where my donations are sent for that very reason.

And that’s fair. That’s how you choose to help people, and that’s ok. I for one wouldn’t help anyone buy a car, single mother or not, my choice.  
I understand where you are coming from though. Help is needed all year long.  
The beauty about donating is that everyone is free and clear to choose how/who they want to help. Obviously many people still want to support the dinner, as they’ve always said “everyone is welcome” and it’s still going strong after all these years. I’m not sure how they could make it only for disadvantaged now after all this time of being inclusive. And many do donate because of the inclusivity of the whole gathering.  
But I urge everyone to do their homework on where they choose to donate money/time if they are concerned on how it’s being used. Many organizations use financial for overhead and not go to actual people who use it.  
But good on you for donating in any way, shape or form. Now you know the traditional dinner isn’t for you, and you can move towards helping those you choose to help. But also understand that this may be still an event that others choose to help, as there may only be a handful of people who “don’t need” the dinner and thousands who actually do.

When I was a kid, we were poor. In the early 80's My Dad was unemployed for almost a year and my stepmom was working part time but that wasn't enough to pay for much. We had a wood stove, heated bath water on the stove to bath twice a week in about 2 inches of water. I'd wake up some mornings in the winter to a frozen wash basin, we didn't have plumbing for that first winter so it was outhouse, hole in the ground -40 if you gotta poop you gotta poop...but we still had toys, good Christmas's, were never hungry, always had GREAT Christmas's with ham/turkey/potatoes. We didn't go to school without coats or scarves..they weren't Helly Hansen or North Face but they were warm winter jackets. A lot of this poverty is marketing or worse, just people needing to feel better than someone else and I've been on the other end of that during those tougher years and it's incredibly condescending. Sure, there are families out there with alcoholic parents or gamblers or screw ups but I've never been able to find or believe in this massive dearth of the Christmas classic tiny Tim everyone seems to NEED to have a good Christmas. I always cringe when I see those commercials at Christmas where the kid decorates the lamp like a Christmas tree because they're just too poor for a $10 tree. I don't believe in any of the original posters visions of Christmas because I was as close to tiny Tim as anyone I ever knew and that level of romanticized poverty just doesn't really exist in Canada...and if it does it's not enough to fill a banquet hall at Christmas.  
 
It saddens me that so many seem to NEED it...the NEED to put on a condescending smile and hand out food to little kids in raggedy jackets and gloves with no fingers just for them to feel like Christmas. Why does Christmas have to be Rich people taking care of poor people for 2 weeks of the year? why can't we all just be happy that that kind of poverty doesn't really exist and all get together and help each other out regardless of need for 2 weeks a year?  
 
Edited by Heynow, 2020-01-23 14:07:23

Christmas can be the loneliest time of the year. Everyone has someone who's not at the table but we have to 'make do' and be happy that we are still fortunate to celebrate here on Earth. There are only two of us here but we still cook a traditional Christmas meal.  
If you have children you should do the same for them and teach them to be grateful for what they have in life not to hope for other people to provide presents.  
Yes there are too many people who only want the meal because it is free.

I think there is still true poverty out there but I’d almost bet those people are not the ones showing up at a Christmas meal like this. They are the ones, like your family, that work hard to provide the best Christmas that they can on the little they have.  
 
I do agree that some of the people may be volunteering because it looks good, they want to brag about it, post it on Facebook, or it simply makes them feel better about themselves. However, it’s my experience that most of them genuinely have good hearts and simply want to help others. I do think that it is sad if the only time they think of it is the two weeks around Christmas. Sadly, that might be the case for many. I guess that is what partially prompted my initial post. I looked around and saw so many volunteers, more volunteers then were needed as they didn’t have jobs for all of them. I couldn’t help thinking that it was too bad these volunteers and all the generous donations would be spread out throughout the year, and focused on charities that would change people’s lives. A Christmas meal is great, but in the end it is one meal a year... the donations needed to pull off feeding 4000 one meal could stock the food bank and soup kitchens for several months! Perhaps even a year! I know the meat alone could have provided 2 turkeys and 12 lbs of ham to the soup kitchen every single week all year.  
 
I guess I’m over thinking it, and my takeaway should be that this just isn’t a cause that I can get behind. I enjoyed my time there, loved the amazing people that were working hard beside me, but ultimately I can’t get over the feeling that it is not doing the greatest good for our community. Seems like a missed opportunity to do so much more, for those that have greater needs.

It sounds as though you have some deep seeded reasons and experiences for feeling the way you do and that is your prerogative. I am also of the belief that my generosity should not be limited to special occasions. That is the beauty of things in that we all get to choose how we give unto others, if we do at all. Can you explain, though, what people you are condemning as having condescending smiles? If you are suggesting that some people donate due to altruism and some donate due to some sinister compulsion of self glorification, I would suggest to you that every action we take is self serving and that distinguishing between the two is splitting hairs.

There should be no questioning what so ever about the 'purpose of the traditional Christmas dinner'. It is very very clear, right on their home page! If you volunteered at an event without knowing what the event was all about, there really shouldn't be anything negative said about the event.  
 
The Traditional Christmas Dinner's slogan is: No one should be along at Christmas. And the home page states: "The Christmas season is often a very lonely time for people from all walks of life. Everyone is welcome to come to The Victoria Inn for a nice hot meal, live entertainment, presents for the kids, fellowship and of course a visit with Santa Claus."

I always thought it was started for those in need or alone at Christmas, but nobody would be turned away.... and has since grown to be inclusive of anyone.  
 
I would like to think that financially capable people would make a donation to cover the cost of their meal, but I’m realistic enough to know that’s not always going to happen.  
 
There are many people that might not have anyone to spend Christmas with, but have the funds. I know that my Christmas has gotten quite small of the last few years (this one actually being the worst). It’s just my three children and I, with no grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc to spend Christmas with. My kids would love a loud boisterous Christmas filled with people, which isn’t something I can provide to them anymore. I can afford to make a turkey dinner with all the fixings and buy them gifts (Im not rich but start early and budget for the extras and shop sales). So the traditional Christmas dinner sounds wonderful, just for the camaraderie and spirit it would bring to our Christmas Day. If we ever decided to attend I would absolutely make a generous donation in appreciation of what it would mean to us, especially my children.

Your premise has a flaw,  
 
If a “rich” person attends, should you as a volunteer be able to identify them as lonely or cheap?  
 
If a “low income” person attends, should you as a volunteer be able to say this person can’t afford a meal or is lonely?  
 
If your a volunteer, should people feel sorry for you or should they thank you for being a martyr?  
 
Some people volunteer year after year, it’s become part of their holiday tradition. Some attend for the meal and it’s part of their holiday tradition.  
 
Maybe not having rules allows everyone to find a certain joy in what has become their holiday tradition, enough that they return year after year.

Something like 80% of all donations are made around the holidays, so if you can, give throughout the year.

As our economy gets tighter and tighter it will definitely affect charities like this. There will always be those that abuse the intention. The original slogan "Nobody eats alone." I know one family with 3 generations all went together to get their free meal. A simple search reveals this topic comes up every year about more and more people who can afford to eat but instead come from a free meal. At some point there will not be enough food for those that actually need it. From volunteering at Christmas time, hampers have been up and down where you can speculate some don't need it, yet others have teared up seeing their hamper. I hope this isn't right but I have noticed those new to Canada have been using services to help those in need yet working full time with higher than min wage pay driving new vehicles. Is there a way to stop those taking advantage of a helping situation.....that is hard and I don't think will ever work out. No matter what we will always have those that if they can get something for free they will.....no matter how much money they have.

Could it possibly be on the wrong end of town? In my experience most of the people in need are downtown. Not living by the Victoria Inn. Maybe too far for them to travel.

That shouldn’t affect anything. The city provides 2 free bus routes transporting people to and from the dinner. They also deliver meals to those that can’t attend due to health or whatever reason.