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Sitting outside on my deck one day and one pooped on my arm! I didn't even see or hear it. And neither did my dog who has never pooped on any part of me or my lawn furniture.

I've never liked dogs ever since I was attacked by a dog as a young teenager delivering papers - I swear I did nothing to provoke the dog - didn't touch it or tease it - suddenly the dog (average size dog) lunged at my hand and severed an artery - I'll spare you the details - the homeowner heard my yelling and immediately came out - got a clean cloth and told me to press on the wound - called my parents (who lived a block away) and my father was there in a few minutes and rushed me to the ER - almost passed out on the way to the hospital from losing so much blood - was taken into ER immediately - had a tetanus shot and antibiotics etc. The dog owner called my father later that evening and said he took the dog into the bush and shot it and buried it - dog owner paid my parents for the cost of new pants and shirt. To this day I am very very cautious around dogs - if you are walking your dog on a sidewalk I will move well off to the side to avoid any possible contact with your dog -no I don't have nightmares - I just have a great aversion to any dog.  
 
Now read my next story please

Somewhat long story you may/may not find amusing - but absolutely true.  
 
When we moved to Bdn in the mid-seventies we bought a new house in a south end development - the developer spread black dirt on the yards and most people sodded their lawn however the personable couple across the street didn't want the dirt spread - they screened the dirt and spread it themselves and seeded the lawn - can't recall the name of the seed but it was a gorgeous light green color - he and his wife - I'll call them Zeke and Susan (not their real names) spent a lot of time and money on their lawn and yard - should have been featured in Better Homes and Garden magazine. My lawn and everyone else's lawn in comparison was just ordinary.  
 
A year later a couple moved into a house near the end of the street - I'll call him Hiram (again not real name) - Hiram took his no-name dog walking every evening about dusk throughout the neighbourhood and let the dog defecate and pee on whatever lawn the dog liked and of course the dog preferred the gorgeous soft lawn of Zeke and Susan but he also did his business on other people's lawns and it was never at the edge of the lawn - always halfway up the lawn - Zeke and Susan and others including me spoke to Hiram many times about the dog - there was a huge undeveloped field just south of our neighbourhood but Hiram wasn't going to take his dog there - just scrub grass and gopher holes. Hiram said that he wasn't going to pick up his dog's droppings - he wasn't going to touch that crap even with gloves - as far as he was concerned it wasn't a problem - on the hot days the droppings will dry up or in the cold weather they will freeze and then the homeowner can then deal with it - I know bylaw officials talked to Hiram about the complaints and I don't believe he got a ticket - bylaw officials said it was just a matter for neighbours to sort out among themselves.  
 
One day in June - a very hot and humid day - about 35 above during the day - Hiram and the dog did a large deposit on Zeke and Susan's lawn at dusk. About 11 PM Zeke asked me if I would help him get some revenge - I was game so met Zeke in his backyard at 3 AM - still a very warm and humid night - Zeke had been saving this dog's deposits for awhile in a couple of plastic containers - we added water and mixed until it was the consistency of mayonnaise - then went over to Hiram's house with old paint brushes and painted his front and rear steps - then we took the containers and brushes and walked a long distance into the nearby field and buried the evidence.  
 
Hiram probably suspected who the scofflaws were but nothing was said and Hiram never walked his dog through the neighbourhood again - took the dog for a walk into the nearby field.  
 
Problem solved - but I'm not advocating this as a solution.

Just in case you picked out my error - it was Hiram's dog that made the large deposit on that June evening - not Hiram and the dog.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bosintang