Discussions

I have a friend who wanted desperately to have his child live with him and now he is a new relationship and has chosen this girl over his kid. His child is thinking his dad doesn't love him anymore and the new girl is more important than him. My question is am I wrong that I think a parent should always chose the child over a relationship or am I wrong. I wanna say something but I don't wanna overstep my bounds

Your child comes first. Sounds like a newer relationship, so he wants to spend all his time and attention on it. If it doesn't work out, and then he has time again for his child, his child will only resent him.  
 
Don't know the age of the child, but he could really start to act up, change his thinking, do stuff to get dad's attention thinking he is not important anymore. (but again, age should not matter - child comes first)  
 
Edited by Brenda, 2017-11-04 20:36:23

I think it comes down to the age of the child. If the child is at the age where the parent can sit down and explain that sometimes in new relationships it's exciting and what the father is going through is normal and just to give it some time. Parents should be happy too and kids should not be the only life you have. Im not saying abandon your child as it doesn't say what the parent is doing to harm the relationship except that they are excited about the new relationship. I feel like people meddle too much and make kids feel like they are a victim and it's also not healthy. If this is your child, reassure them they are loved and then let the dad choose how he lives his life and if in the end he comes around support that but please don't say things like, "oh that's terrible your father isn't spending all his time with you" etc as that will just encourage resentment between the child and their father and possibly a new parent.

What is exactly happening that the father is choosing the girl over the child? Is the relationship new or has it been going on for awhile?  
 
It all depends on the full details of the situation imo. If dad has decided to not fight for his child to live with him it could be because he sees that it would upset the child more to change routine or he is done fighting with the mom and just wants things to be healthy for the child.  
 
Is he not taking his child on his visitation times? If that is the case then yes say something. If the child still comes with dad and dad also involves girl too that is ok.  
 
Dad deserves to be happy. The world should not revolve solely around the child and it is an adjustment for all to have girl in the picture. Why not encourage the relationship with the girl to the child. If dad is happy then the home is a happy home for child to be a part of.  
 
Without more details their are many many scenarios.

The dad fought for 3 years to get custody of the child. He got him back 3 months ago and the kids was happy to have his dad back but now the dad has a gf that always wants the dad there but not the child as she has her own kid. The dad says his son means the world to him but he spends more time with the gf then his own kid. The kid feels like his dad doesn't love him anymore

But the op sounds more like the child’s mom than just a friend, however if I’m wrong, perhaps an anonymous letter to the dad might give him a nudge.

Pasquale said "But the op sounds more like the child’s mom than just a friend, however if I’m wrong, perhaps an anonymous letter to the dad might give him a nudge. "

There's something more to this story for sure. Did this child actually tell OP he feels this way? Seems strange that a child would tell his father's friend this. I'm wondering if assumptions are being made on the child's behalf. Also OP are you also friends with the child's mother? I think these things definitely factor into how/if you get involved in this situation. I think children can also feel sensitive and sometimes exaggerate based on a parent being in a new relationship and feeling replaced when perhaps the parent really is doing nothing wrong.

I think most kids will pick up on what others are telling them to feel. If the adults around them are encouraging them to celebrate the new relationship and be happy for their parent they will generally follow suit and if they are hearing comments that their father is abandoning them or must not love them they will feel that also. I have a feeling this is coming from the child's mother due to jealousy. If there is a big concern than I would agree with the above poster and just send an anonymous letter.

I am not related to the child and I have nothing to do with the mother. I have know this father and his child for years and the child confided in me as he doesn't like talking to strangers and is confused. I have told the child his dad loves him. I'm just concerned as the new gf doesn't like his child coming around so he is dropped off with friends. I'm just wondering if I said the right thing

If you are close friends with dad and child like you say then certainly tell dad. I am sure he will appreciate it as long as you do it the right way.  
 
In the meantime encourage the child to be positive with this new relationship. Maybe the reason the girl doesn’t want child around is because he acts out against her. Negative influences can make the situation worse. I had this struggle for awhile as well as my ex was very vocal to my kids about my wife (then girlfriend). It caused a lot of problems but the kids had to learn to accept her because I deserved to be happy as well. My children are adults now. I have a great relationship with my youngest but the relationship is strained with my oldest.