Discussions

My partner has been going through something the last few years. He’s started making up lies he claims he’s heard about me all the time. None of the stuff he’s making up and saying is true what so ever! How do you deal with this kind of mental torture? His stories constantly change all the time, and there’s always a new twist to his wild imagination. It’s bad enough I know he’s making up lies, but he keeps changing his stories on top of it. Then when I call him on his lies and new fabricated versions he turns it all around on me like I’m the crazy one! The scary thing is he actually believes all of his lies! It’s like he thinks about crap and dwells on scenarios so much he actually believes his thoughts are reality! Any advice in how to deal with this? Or how to stop this behaviour? I’ve gone so far as to start documenting what he’s saying and have tried to read it back to him to prove his lies keep changing and he looks at me like I’m crazy! Wtf am I dealing with?

Run. He’s gaslighting you, trying to convince you your crazy and the wrong one. It’s a form of abuse that will not go away. Run.

is no way you will ever 'change' him and why on earth would you want to spend any more of your precious time trying? He has serious issues that will only continue to make you miserable. My advice is to cut your ties, accept your losses and leave your toxic partner. Tomorrow is about you.

So did this just start happening out of the blue?  
 
Did they ever do this before the "last few years"?  
 
If this is something new, has something changed?  
-Did you two become less intimate and then this started happening  
-Was there a death that may have triggered this, or another life changing monent like being let go from a long term job?  
-Was there a child born and then this started happening?  
 
Sometimes life changing moments change a person.  
 
Look into those. If none, then I possibly look at different mental issues that could arise and change a person anytime.  
 
If this has been what your whole relationship has been like, then leave.

Sounds like mental abuse / gaslighting. Its him not you ! I was in your shoes , & finally left when I realized that he was brainwashing to think that it was all my fault! Run don’t walk away from this!

Without know how old you both are, it's possible your partner might be showing the first signs of dementia. Maybe he needs a doctors check-up. A reaction to medication is another possibility. Again, he needs to see a doctor.

I would have one last conversation with him to see if he would be willing to get counseling together. Seeing someone with a mental health background will help. If he is not willing to go, then you don’t have to live like that. Love him or not you have to look after yourself. That behaviour will not stop if he doesn’t get help. You can’t change it on your own. Gaslighting can take a big mental roll on you. If you leave he’ll blame you and that’s okay. Just shows he’ll never change.

Time to go.

It sounds like he needs to talk to a doctor.

Definitely know a few people who had this as a symptom of dementia or mental illness.  
 
I agree with the others that he should go to the doctor and discuss any medications he is on or be assessed. At the very least, maybe it’s a chemical imbalance in the body affecting his mental health.  
 
BEFORE that, it might be wise for you find a resource to talk to for ideas or help to get him to go seek assessment. Chances are he will likely be resistant to thinking there is something wrong with himself, especially if it wasn’t his idea to begin with. If he finds it hard to trust you at the moment, he very likely could be paranoid/suspicious about a visit to a medical person. Especially if you are the one suggesting it. Do you have family or friend support?  
 
Edited by Seana-T, 2021-03-26 08:30:42

*temporary chemical imbalance.