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What would you do if the father of your child paid his required support and re fuses any kind of extras to help purchase to raise his child.

If he's paying his required child support i'm not sure what else you can do, aside from asking for a re-evaluation of his income and support agreement (Maybe?) its very sad and pathetic he wont help his own child out but unfortunately that''s the way some people are. I do think that if your looking more for sports and that type of stuff there are organizations like jump start that help out with costs. What type of extras are you curious about?  
 
Edited by Chrismann85, 2017-07-03 17:25:05

Is not a "Deadbeat" father if he pays his support. A real "Deadbeat" father is a guy that does not pay child support at all, skips the country or will only work for cash so his ex can't get anything out of him. In your case, you call him a deadbeat because he won't pay for extras. I don't know any of the story her, but do know that there's always two sides to a story. As for extras, does he have a say in what an extra is? He may see the extras as extravagances or not required at all. If he's paying $500-$600 a month, then maybe the extras are or should be included. Like I said, I don't know the situation at all, but do know that he's doesn't fit my definition of deadbeat.

Sports programs and lessons, camps etc. can be included if already registered. Daycare and medical, dental etc also, if he doesnt already have them on his plan he can also be compelled to add them.

He's not a deadbeat. He pays his child and that is all he's legally has to do. Too much info is missing.

no, he is not a dead beat father. If he is paying his child support, that is where the money comes out of for the child.  
 
An observation I had during my time going through this was the father faithfully paying his child support, but the mother had her hair done all the time, beautiful clothes, gel nails, etc. She would send the child for visitation in ratty old clothes that did not even fit anymore.  
 
So, not saying that about you OP. But there is always two sides.

Well I consider him a dead beat especially when I had to chase him through the court system to pay .....he is ordered to pay support any man that runs away from a child and refuses to pay support and only pays because he is ordered btw Is a DEAD BEAT !!!!!

Disappointed said "Well I consider him a dead beat especially when I had to chase him through the court system to pay .....he is ordered to pay support any man that runs away from a child and refuses to pay support and only pays because he is ordered btw Is a DEAD BEAT !!!!! "

that is pretty much the normal, he is paying, so he not a dead beat dad. Obviously you have great hate for this man, I sure hope you do not talk about this in front of your child.  
 
The will all go through the court system, chased or not. So that is normal.  
 
I don't suppose if he had custody you would just jump up and pay him without having to go through the court system.  
 
Just looking at two sides. Always two sides to any custody, child support, divorce case.

he case of being a deadbeat father for not seeing your children. Not saying this is the case in your situation, but my father was a "deadbeat" until I found out later what his reasons were. He distanced himself from my sister and I until we were legally able to make our own decision due to my mother and that side of the family would make our visits a nightmare. It was bad enough the amount of badmouthing when he would buy us our birthday/christmas gifts (and had to have his brother deliver them). He was considered a deadbeat, but even his lawyer suggested he stayed away and so did the judge after 5 no-shows from my mother (even though he "refused to pay child support") but legal documents showed the judged threw everything out and released my father from any responsibilities. So while this was an extreme case I endured growing up and in no way saying it's remotely the same in your situation, but not everything appears as it seems on the outside!

you kind of sound a little hostile in your posts and I'm sure theres more to the story then just what we have. If he is paying for his child he is not a dead beat dad. Too many parents (moms too not just dads) get dubbed this by the other parent when its simply not true. I know my husband has and he's very active in his child life (physically and financially) but in the views of his ex, he's a dead beat. The courts would have ordered what was deemed fair based on the information they had but you seem to think it's not. Go see your lawyer for a recalculation if you think it's unfair. I sure hope your child doesn't hear you talk about his/her father that way. I grew up in a house hold like that, it's certainly very hard on a child hearing your parent bad mouth the other.

There is no rule saying that a child must participate in extra curricular activities. There are programs that can be cheap/free that the child can participate in. Just because you want your child in these activities doesn't mean the other parent can afford it. If you ask and are told no then your child either does not do it or you pay for it out of the child support.  
 
There is way more to this story but ultimately it is not a guarantee that your child can participate in their "wants". As a married couple our child doesn't get to be in things if we can't afford it. Your child is not entitled to it

Also to add - payment of child support is not a deadbeat father!!!!

Disappointed said "What would you do if the father of your child paid his required support and re fuses any kind of extras to help purchase to raise his child. "

I think you are mistaken. your ex is doing everything he is legally obliged to do. there is many fathers out there that wont or don't pay any child support. he is supporting the child through payments.

Disappointed said "Well I consider him a dead beat especially when I had to chase him through the court system to pay .....he is ordered to pay support any man that runs away from a child and refuses to pay support and only pays because he is ordered btw Is a DEAD BEAT !!!!! "

Just my two cents here, but as a product of divorced parents, I think it is really important that you seek a professional to speak with about the issues you are having with your ex. The attitude that you display on here, all of the hostility and the insults are something that is going to affect your child in a VERY negative way. For more negative than a dead beat dad.  
 
I sincerely hope you don't sound off on your child about your ex or their father.  
 
As far as my opinion on the guy, nobody on here knows him. What you've said is he is paying child support. That's just what some guys are going to do. Is it as good as an involved father? Sometimes, it depends on the involvement. If it's any attitude similar to yours, it's not healthy for the child involved.  
 
Speak to a lawyer about your situation with your ex and his obligations, and please speak to a mental health professional about your attitude and it's potential to harm your child.

It is your job, as the custodial parent, to properly allot the child support to the child's life. Some things are separate from the base child support amount- daycare, some activities, etc.- but for the most part is included in the support payments. If between child support and other forms of income you as an individual, or family, cannot afford to put said child in some activities then maybe this year they need to miss. Or, find a less expensive activity. I know where I live Tim Horton's sponsors the soccer and it costs $60 and that's everything included from equipment to uniforms (which the players get to keep).  
 
I know a few men who don't pay support or have anything to do with children for their own pathetic reasons, but I also know several who have fought tooth and nail to see their children and the mother either a)won't allow them to, or b)they make it so miserable for them that it's almost unbearable to do so.  
 
As a parent who receives $0 in support, getting some money to help with the expenses is a heck of a lot better than receiving nothing.

I can only give you my story. I pay child support and spend my weekends and weekdays with my kids. I will say this I don't pay for extra outside my support obligations. So according to you I am a deadbeat dad.  
 
I was even called this back when the divorce started so I know HOW HURTFUL THIS FEELS.  
 
In order for me to live my life( which I am entitled to do) plus pay for my Support I have to work roughly 4 jobs thought out the year. There not much me time as most of the time that I am off I am with my kids parenting them and having fun.  
 
If i did have to pay for my kids extra sports and camps and all that stuff on top of my support. I would not be able to provide a house for my kids, toys and things to play with and have, gas to pick them up from all there activities, have a saving account for them when they want to go collage or university, take them on vacations or road trips. My list goes on and on and believe me there is a lot more stuff i want to do with my kids. This is the bigger picture.  
 
I have a great relationship with my ex wife, we are great at co-parenting and doing what is best for our kids first then worrying about us. But i will say this, it not a easy task and it a lot of working together and seeing each other side for this to work ( the big picture). No Matter what you have to work with him for the rest of you life so maybe try not to take the long hard road first.  
 
So I will leave you this, After reading that, am I a deadbeat dad? Cause when i was called this back in the day, believe me it was not a pretty day and i was extra difficult cause that what i was called.  
 
You should be happy there are tons of woman out there and kids that never see a penny of support and you know what they don't complain, they not happy about it. But they do what they can cause at the end of the day that what we all do.  
 
Also this is long winded but is it not better for the child dad to be able to be in his son/daughter life and be able to afford to do things with there kid then to stay home and do nothing. Think of your kids a bit more but out side of you own world.  
 
I don't know your side and i am sure you have some reasons. But first stop with the deadbeat name calling, cause i can show you what a real deadbeat dad is we already have them around, and i don't see any since is call dad that pay support that cause they simply are not that by any means. I would apologize to your ex if i was you, cause if he find out this is your post then i don't think this road you started on will not end well.

Honestly....when I was a single mother, I made it work all by myself. The "father" left 3 minutes after I told him I was pregnant and i haven't seen him since. (I can sure choose em eh?) I did it alone,100% alone. Somedays I didn't eat 3 square meals, but my daughter always had enough in every way. Some days I could afford the bus, but that just means we left early and walked... it's life. Be glad he's helping some, because it's sure as heckharder to do it with nothing...

I don''''t think it is up to the man to pay for extras, especially if he is paying child support. That is what the child support is for. How much of his wage are you expecting to get? He was abusive to me, and never really was a good father, but he was never delinquent on a payment.  
 
If he is paying child support he is NOT a dead beat dad. A dead beat dad doesn''''t pay for anything including child support.  
 
Edited by Bev J Sherdahl, 2017-07-04 12:27:49

These posts make me so mad, as I am actually what they call a single parent! Have been doing it for years and I am lucky if I see anything! Its more of a hassle asking for help then it is receiving. I work two jobs and most the time I skip out on food for myself so my kids can eat. Its not that I don’t eat at all, its more the less I eat the more my kids will have. The fact is when they were younger that you would have next to nothing cause your very last penny goes towards clothes and food for your kids. I see all these so called ‘single moms’, but yet they get child support. They have the nicest clothes, gym passes, hair done, spa dates, out every weekend, lunches etc.! not to mention child allowance. I don’t know why the poster would complain! She is one of the lucky ones where the man actually cares enough to give her anything!!! A dead beat dad is not one who gives, they give nothing but yet still have kids on the side and neglect the others he left behind! So quiet trashing this poor man! Especially on media…just simply in shock of peoples damn greed these days!!! **heated**

Wow, as per usual the butt hurt people come a swinging. You don't know the whole story, why are you so defensive?  
 
Just because a dad pays child support doesn't mean he isn't a dead beat dad. If he's not there emotionally and involved with the kid, he's a dead beat. (This doesn't include those dad's who try and the mom won't let them. I'm sorry you have to deal with that)  
 
AND just because this person gets child support doesn't mean she isn't an actual single parent. Boo hoo, you're jealous because she picked a guy that actually takes responsibility for a child he brought into the world. Either you should have picked him better or try to get money from him. There isn't a judge in the world that would say no to granting you child support. And before you say he works under the table or won't work, you picked him hunny!  
 
Before you get all mad at what I said, I am a single parent who gets no child support. I was also a child whose mom got child support for me, but he was too much a loser to get it together and be there for me.  
 
OP- if you feel he needs to be paying more, go back to your lawyer to ask them to recalculate what he should be paying. However, be prepared for it to possibly be less. Good luck.

He's not a deadbeat if he is paying what he is supposed to. Why don't you take a portion of what he pays each month and put it away for extras? What extras are you talking about? Kids don't need to be involved in everything under the sun, they need time to just be kids and not be in structured activities 24/7.

two sides to the story. I still want to know if he had custody and was ordered to pay a certain amount by the courts, would she be willing to give extra all the time for the child's activities?  
 
Some children are in far too many activities, one is enough with school, home time, hopefully the father gets visitation, that is more time.

Disappointed said "What would you do if the father of your child paid his required support and re fuses any kind of extras to help purchase to raise his child. "

I think that you need to learn the definition of the word "deadbeat"!! How insulting of you to use that term when he is being anything but ! Be thankful he is paying the required amount as alot do not. Curious if you have added up the amount you put towards your child? Because unless you are personally financially covering an equal amount based on your income, you shouldn't expect him to cover extras. If both parents contribute equally according to their incomes, it leaves the child tax to do exactly what your expecting him to cover. Smh at the ridiculousness of this post

I am very curious.....What kind of extras are you referring to? Big screen tv for his room? Video game systems? Computers? Paid child support is to cover clothes, food, medical expenses, extracurricular activities, etc. A good question to ask is are you covering your share of the costs too. Easy example. What was his percent of the household? Easy math if he brought in 60% of household income and you are 40%. Are you still paying 40% or more of child costs for everything related to that child?

My daughters father, to me, is a deadbeat. Will only pay child support and not help out with daycare. Why? Because I moved out and left so he shouldn't have too. And unfortunately his lawyer is just as stupid. He maybe talks to her once a week, and usually that doesn't last long as she starts to ignore him. But it's all my fault, again, because I left.  
 
Even though a father pays child support, doesn't mean he's not a deadbeat.

My son's bio "dad" fled the country...that's dead beat

I will be honest I don't know much about what you can try to go after someone for when it comes to child support and what they should be helping pay, but I will say this.  
 
My son's bio dad skipped out a week after our son was born. He has been court ordered to pay child support for the past 7 years and on, and has never paid a single penny. He has made zero efforts to even come see his child. Instead he is out fathering more kids by other women.  
 
You should be happy he is paying something and has some communication with your child even if you feel it to be minimal.  
 
Now if he is paying his court ordered amounts, unless his income changes than in my honest opinion, it should be up to you to make sure your income is enough to cover other costs. You sound very bitter (yes, I don't know your situation) but you sound bitter regardless.

1984FadedStar said "My daughters father, to me, is a deadbeat. Will only pay child support and not help out with daycare. Why? Because I moved out and left so he shouldn't have too. And unfortunately his lawyer is just as stupid. He maybe talks to her once a week, and usually that doesn't last long as she starts to ignore him. But it's all my fault, again, because I left.     Even though a father pays child support, doesn't mean he's not a deadbeat. "

your working and getting child support, that money is to go to daycare. If you don't think it is enough, go back to court.

1984FadedStar said "My daughters father, to me, is a deadbeat. Will only pay child support and not help out with daycare. Why? Because I moved out and left so he shouldn't have too. And unfortunately his lawyer is just as stupid. He maybe talks to her once a week, and usually that doesn't last long as she starts to ignore him. But it's all my fault, again, because I left.     Even though a father pays child support, doesn't mean he's not a deadbeat. "

He's not a deadbeat.. he's paying you for support.  
 
It's the system, that the woman/mom always gets the kids. So the father is paying you for child support. That's not dead beat. Consider yourself lucky your getting money from him.  
 
If you don't like it and cant afford it then give up your kids to him if he is willing to take on the responsibility.  
 
I know way too many greedy women that ask for support and alimony payments. Yet they do jack for their kids, and pretty much loaf off the payments the receive from their ex and receive other tax payers money from the freaking government.

Kiwiyop said "My son's bio "dad" fled the country...that's dead beat "

atleast someone understands what deadbeat father is.