Discussions

Any family lawyers reading this. Please just advice.

In my case being a father I moved from Alberta to Manitoba. I had to apply to the courts for permission to move. I had to prove that there was greater opportunity where I wanted to move than what I could find at home. I had a large support group of family including child care, work, place to live, all lined up. I had to give my new address and contact info everything to her. There was a visitation schedule made out for everything from summer breaks to holidays. The courts may frown upon you moving without notice as it looks like you are moving out of spite.

..... when talking/ thinking about this issue you use “our son “ rather than “my” son.  
 
Other than that I have nothing to offer regarding legal, or other, advice.  
 
Good luck to you and your family.

I don't believe that there is any way in which a separation which includes children/ custody/ visitation will not involve a lawyer and/or the courts at some point. There must be a lawyer you can access through legal aide?

For the first time I think I agree completely with fishinguy. Don’t just go do it the right way. Legal aid on 11 th street is where you need to go and get the legal help you require. And as the other poster said it’s our not my son as the courts frown upon the sounding of ownership of a child. Good luck and be safe and smart for your child’s benefit.

Thank you for your comment.. I appreciate the advice. Gives me starting point.  
 
Spaghetti Monster... I can refer to him as my son if I choose. I see you make a lot of unnecessary comments on posts. If you have no advice directed towards the post then refrain from any comments. People will judge the type of person you are by the comments you make.

I appreciate your comment. Thank you.

And good luck I’ve been there and it can get frustrating so always be cautious with the small details

LOL “unnecessary comments “ like any of them are necessary.  
 
Of course you can call him “my son”.  
 
The point I was trying to make, and you obviously did not get, is that if you are starting this whole venture with a “my son” attitude rather than an “ our son” attitude, well that will likely taint the rest of your endeavours.  
 
I offered no advice other than that because you are a complete stranger and we know NOTHING about the situation.  
 
If all you wanted was hugs and folks to pander to your need for sympathy then say so.  
 
As for how folks will judge me for my posts...... Right now I can think of nothing that I care less about.  
 
Once again..... good luck with your efforts. I get the impression you’ll need a little.

Is he the biological father of the child? Is he abusive, or just not getting along? Have you talked to him about any of this? There are a lot of details missing here for advice to be useful. Best of luck with your situation.

Play it out. You leave with your son. Your ex must apply to the courts to get a ruling. Will he go thru the effort? Is it a control thing? Worst case the judge orders the son back, but is it in the youngsters interest to be situated with Dad vs Mum? In the eyes of the court ownership is ALWAYS 9/10 of the law.  
 
I know a bunch of you will not support this advice but before you judge, know that I am speaking from my own personal experience. Are you?

Consult with a lawyer before following the advice on here... I’m not a lawyer and I don’t know the full story, but you could be in big legal trouble if you just take your (AND your soon-to-be ex’s) son.  
 
Taken from government website : https://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/childcare/resources/custody_arrangements.html#abduction  
 
“There are a number of situations where a charge of abduction may be laid if there is no other Canadian custody order. One is where the parents and child have been living together and suddenly one parent takes the child out of Manitoba without the other’s consent, intending to deprive the other of his or her rights as a parent. The second most common situation is where separated parents have agreed in the past that the child is to live with one of them. Unless that parent consents, the other cannot later decide to take the child away without a court order.  
A parent charged with abduction may have a defence to the charge if the action was taken to protect the child or the parent from danger, or the other parent agreed he or she could take the child. A Canada-wide warrant may be issued for the arrest of the abducting parent. If convicted of the charge, the parent may be imprisoned for up to ten years.”

This is terrible advice in my opinion.  
 
You really need to speak to a lawyer.  
 
Spaghetti Monster is being unnecessarily rude to you in their post. I don't think you're wanting people to "pander to your need for sympathy"  
 
I also don't know why they (spaghetti monster) or anyone else is hung up on you referring to the child is "my son"  
I'm married and have a child. When I talk to people about our child I refer to him as my son. Not some kind of ownership or anything like that.  
 
I can't offer you any legal advice but I can offer you my opinion.  
 
Go speak to a lawyer. If your soon to be Ex is wanting shared custody of your/his son then have the lawyer/court figure it all that out.  
 
Like someone else said legal aid will be the best place to start.  
 
Your son is the most important person in all of this.  
 
Good luck.  
 
Edited by one more thing.., 2019-08-17 20:25:11

I appreciate the advice.. our situation is fairly simple, and is pretty much in a nutshell as I explained in the post. I’ve been told both ways.. as the person above has commented.. I was told to just leave with him because we have no legal agreement so there is not much he could say or do but on the other hand I have been told, like you had mentioned, it could be viewed as abduction but also told if I leave without our son it could be viewed as abandonment. I was hoping to do this without legal action because it will get ugly for our son. But from the real advice I’ve received so far, unfortunately that may be my only option.  
 
Spaghettimonster.. I’m not looking for hugs or sympathy.. just advice. Please stop commenting on my post.

My son is the most important thing to me and it is just natural for me to refer to him as my son. He is not my possession but in my mind, it is in his best interest to be with me. I do not want to take him away from his father, I just want him to reside with me and be the primary parent. Just thought if someone in the Brandon area has been in a similar situation they could guide me. I appreciate your comment.

I am going through a separation right now as well and found that legally a parent can move up to an hour away from the other parent without court input. I realize that doesn’t put you close to your family, but it does get you a bit further from the dad if his proximity means stress.

Wishing an hour away would work for my situation but unfortunately for me that’s not an option at this point. If you have any more tips please pm me. Thank you for the comment

Because yes you can be charged for leaving with him. You absolutely DO need his approval to move away, even if it’s in this province (and yes I am in the legal field)

He is the reason I’m leaving so your telling me that he has all the rights as well. Why does the mom not have a right to take her son. I’m not trying to keep him away from his father permanently. He would just be better in my care until everything is figured out. Not wanting to get into details about the father but I’m not understanding why he just automatically has all the rights.

he is the biological father isn't he? So why wouldn't he also have rights? Both parents have rights and is why you need to do things in a legal way. And that's irregardless of relationship difficulties.

I’m not saying at all that he doesn’t have any rights.. what I’m saying is that he would be better in my care.. I’d rather not list why so my question now is why cant I just take him. I don’t want him staying here with him. Is that not my right !

I know things will have to be done legally eventually but for the time being I want him in my care

You say he's better with you, but how many times do we hear arguments between parents about who should have the kids? That's why we have a legal system, because it's just your word against his. As far as I'm concerned, unless there is abuse, then you're just going to have to stick it out and deal with things in a proper manner. So no, it is not your right to just take his kid, plain and simple.

Playing devil's advocate here. You may not like it but you both have equal rights to your child. Being a mother doesn't give you any higher rank then the father. There is a process, you may not like the process but it must be followed. Nobody needs to know details of what is going on as really it is only a he said she said moment at that point. There is a third story and that is something in the middle. That is what people like the police, CFS, the courts all look at. Many times I had to leave the house for the night even though people knew it was wrong, but knew no harm would be done to the child, and to "be the better person" . Following the process through courts it cost me a boatload of money being the father while she coasted through courts with a court appointed lawyer. In the end I was awarded temporary guardianship which allowed me to move, make school decision, etc. In the long run and years later was awarded full custody. Oh and the family court in Manitoba at the time was ranked higher than family court in Alberta. When I applied to have all matters transferred to Manitoba the Alberta judge had to allow all proceedings to be dealt with in Manitoba.

I’m not looking for opinions.. I’m looking for advice. Thanks though.

I had a friend wanting to move just across the border into SK (20 mins away) and legally she couldn’t do it but was told by her lawyer that she could move anywhere in MB, even hours away, and it would be perfectly fine. Screwed up system.

You have to give minimum 30 days notice to you ex that you are moving. If he doesn’t go to court within the 30 days the you move.

When me and my ex broke up 5 years ago i sent our child to my moms out here in manitoba and followed her a week or two later and we have been here ever since.. the ex is still in AB. If there are no court orders you can leave the province freely.. (i think)..  
Is his name on the birth certificate? If it wasnt, legally, right now, youd be your sons sole gaurdian.  
If he is on the certificate.. then its a different story... but only in the sense that you guys would go to court for custody/shared/joint custody with primary residency with you..  
If he is abusive or has addiction problems the courts wont think twice about giving you custody....

Go to legal aid. The only advice you should take is that if a lawyer- bottom line.  
 
My personal opinion based on minimal information here about the father is this - take it or leave it - ALL children need both parents! Any parent who takes a child that far away from another parent is not putting the child’s best interest first. Yes you get a support system behind you if you move home but that was the choice you made when you moved here with this man and had a child. Stay here, leave him and provide the best for him here. That involves making sure he has an active relationship with his father within a short driving distance. End of story.