Discussions

There is absolutely no way I am the only parent out there dealing with this issue of addiction with my youth, but yet I feel like I am. I feel so frustrated with our system. I feel alone and completely at the end of my rope. I posted back in Jan 2015, looking for help https://ebrandon.ca/messagethread.aspx?message_id=:882235&cat_id=:25 now I am hoping someone knows of something or somewhere for support that maybe I am missing.  
I feel I have reached out to all supports available out there including CATC (has to be willing to seek help, have mental health concerns, or be suicidal) , AFM (attends counselling regularly), Behavioral Health Foundation - which is not taking any intake as I was notified today they may be closing their doors, dealt with YASU (Youth Addiction Stabilization Unit)in Winnipeg which consisted of a five page application form taken to the courthouse to have a warrant executed to have police take my youth and transport to "detox" which is "only" a max of 7 days. My youth was discharged 6 days in, then Compass Residential Treatment Center which is an 8 week program but runs on what the youth is willing to give as the youth has to be voluntary. Once they are not willing to be there voluntarily they are discharged,(PARENTS HAVE NO SAY IN THIS AT ALL).I've contacted CFS as well and I just get NOWHERE! My youth has been suspended 4 times since December 2015 consisting from 5 school days, 13 school days, 20 school days, and another 20 school days with now not being able to attend any high school in Brandon but the At Risk for Youth downtown Brandon.  
I am so angry at the Brandon School Division ( not the school its self - VP, and school admin physically at the school have been very supportive and understand what we're going through, but have to follow policy made by Brandon School Division) - clearly suspension is not getting to the root of the problem. Nothing seems to be getting to the root of the problem... because our system here in Manitoba obviously doesn't consider youth addiction an issue. I feel as a parent when I can provide information and documentation that my youth has affected every part of their life and is a ticking time bomb, that there should be a way parents can appeal a warrant to court order them to go to full treatment. Since when do 16 year old run their own life, and be responsible for their overall health when it's clear they're on the road of destruction.  
I have written a letter to the Division asking them to change their policy and to better be a support for parents and youth going through this issue but all I have got all these times is a letter of suspension. Clearly my youth is struggling... its affected every part of his life.  
I've gone to the Brandon Sun and had a full interview in March 26 paper under Teen's drug use "heartbreaking for mom , and of course when Brandon School Division was contacted for their opinion - Mark Sefton stated he stands by their policy for drug and alcohol... REALLY??? Thanks for the help and support in helping our youths that attend your schools. These youth NEED HELP, not SEVERAL SUSPENSION!  
Several times I have taken away my youth cell, and numerous texts, snap chat videos etc of friends either using pres:cription meds, smoking marijuana, or lining up the coke... you name their doing it... So either parents are turning a blind eye, are oblivious that its happening, or just out right don't care....  
We all know how delicate the brain is especially children/youths, its scientifically proven. We all know that youth (teenagers) are not easy on a good day, let alone one with addictions. Why is addiction in youth not considered self harm??  
So if I neglected my children by not supplying a safe, healthy place for them CFS and authorities with have an issue with my parenting and take my children away, but how is it any different that my child is ingesting harmful chemicals and no one seems to care and our system does nothing... WTH AM I MISSING?!?!?!  
My youth comes from a good, caring family, we feel we have bent over backwards trying to help, but at the end of the day everything I run into is once over the age of 16 they are able to do whatever they like. What about parents - where are my rights as a parent!?!  
If there is one thing I have learnt through all of this is addiction hits any kind of family, rich/poor, educated or not, single or both parents etc... doesn't matter , its hits all.  
I find it doesn't seem to matter what my rules are at home, if I ground, take things away etc, my youth just threatens to run away and walk out the door which is not in the best interest of my youth.  
There has to be something parents can do. How is it right that all we can do is sit and watch our youth to either wait for them to see they have a problem and get help, which most addicts don't see they have a problem, or wait till that lethal dose of illegal or OTC meds is taken and then you're planning a funeral... Something needs to change - our system has a missing link!!  
 
Edited by Beach, 2016-05-05 19:16:04

Not sure how or why you're blaming the school division.  
 
You're free to find outside programs, rehab etc for your child right? Unfortunately, if your teen doesn't want to get sober, there's nothing you can do. However, it's wrong to blame everyone and every program for the choices your child is making.

I stated I waas angry at the BSD, didn't blame anyone...other than our system... if you read as a parent there is nothing I can do and was looking for options... why is a 16 year allowed to be voluntary. In addictions most don't see they have a problem. Youth need to be locked up somewhere to clean themselves up and get help with their issues.  
 
What is a parent to do??? You seem to have all the answers...

and I missed it. Have you tried Mental Health services - 578-2400. They have cousellors and workers for everybody.  
 
Good Luck.

Unfortunately being 16 they have a say and have to be willing. He had the opportunity to have a worker at CATC and shut that down. I have tried to encourage him to go, but that is about all I can do. I can't make him go like I can a child under 16.I just am so fed up and think maybe he just needs the shit shaken out of him to sort his ass out, but I'm not willing to go to jail.  
 
I don't know why the light hasn't clicked for this kid, he just doesn't see it a problem, and blames everyone else in his life for the consequences he faces.  
 
I just try to keep my fingers crossed that he see the light before its too late and he does something really stupid. He honestly just doesn't get it!

Is to help yourself. St this point you are frustrated, and at wits end- he isn't.  
Our system is a complete failure I agree: it's frustrating and damaging.  
Save yourself, and your sanity. Don't enable. Let him fall on his own, and fail.  
AFM has parents of addicts programs. See a counsellor. Figure out what you can change, and have control of.

Even if you could have him locked up so he gets clean, he still has to choose to stay clean. That's likely why the program's you've mentioned are voluntary. If the addict isn't making the choice to stay clean, forcing them into rehab is just a waste of time and resources.

Now I may be the only one saying this, but have you tried church? God? I don't know if you are religious or not, but God says that if we seek after him, he will revile himself to us. Start praying! Prayer is our greatest form of defence against the enemies of this world (both physical and spiritual enemies). Pray for your son, cry out for you, ask for strength, that his eyes open, pray that he finds God. And I promise you, as long as you seek and obey Him, my God will NEVER put you or your son to shame! You've tried everything else, why not try my suggestion! I will say a prayer this evening for you and your son. Take a chance and do the same. You might just be surprised! may God bless you and your family

I know one family that were frustrated like you.  
But, they had enough trying to get him straightened out, he did end up in jail.  
 
Now he has a good job, wife, children. Turned him right around. Of course I know that won't happen to everyone that ends up in jail.  
 
He definitely needs some "tough Love". You are frustrated, probably on your mind 24 hours a day. Give him the ultimatum, straighten up in so many days or you are kicking him out.

I was a troubled youth. My mom fixed it with some very tough love. Meaning I she put me into the Portage Women's Prision for 2 days so I could get a "taste" of things to come. She also MADE me check into something like CATC.....didn't have it here when I was young, so I ended up in Winnipeg forced into treatment. YES, I thought I hated her for it, and said some really ugly hurtful things....but now I know she did it because she loved me and it hurt her to do that to me...but it worked. I think the Brandon Police still have a program somewhat like this for at risk youth, just call and find out. I would do the same things my mom did for my own son if it ever came down to it....going to send you a pm....hope this post helped...

Brenda says it well. Jail...tough love. It WORKS. I have no criminal or drug record, I have a young son of my own now also...things will work out!

He''s been to BCC for 6 hrs to sober up, not long ago. The guards were fabulous and told him how lucky he was to have a mom come pick him up as most kids don''t. Yea he hated it and said it scared him, but he hasn''t changed any of his behaviours/addiction. Maybe he needs to be a few days to get the real deal.  
 
Edited by Beach, 2016-05-05 22:05:36

I see all your saying about various support systems etc that have tried to do what they can and help ,I also understand how you feel as I am the parent of an Addict .I am from the UK and worked with troubled youth for many years ,i think what I can offer you by way of advice is this .You can use all the support and programs that are out there and maybe try other ways ,but as a Father of an addict I will tell you this it wont matter who or what trys to help along the way .There is only ONE way a person with addiction problems gives up or chooses to live clean .Its important to understand that until the Person is ready to give up you will never stop them .Don't feel like you failed don't be mad at the people offering support they can only succeed when and only when the addict is ready .My son is now 32 and has been off and on since he was 16 despite many programs and interventions he will only stop when hes ready .He has had sober times drug free .Also with a 16 year old its about peer pressure ,its hard to find a balance and a way forward ,Tough love may work but I have never seen it work forever .I hope you find a way forward and things work out ,you are a good parent from what I read keep working but always remember you are only able to do what you can and it will only end when the addict is ready ,,good luck and respect to you

I agree, Puddles has a good answer. Have you been to the Family program at AFM? Call them to see when it runs. And see a mental health counsellor (call Mental Health Services at the Town Center for free counselling, or one of the private offices in town). You can not FORCE a person to get help, no matter how much you want to. The only person you can get help for is you.

Beach said "He''s been to BCC for 6 hrs to sober up, not long ago. The guards were fabulous and told him how lucky he was to have a mom come pick him up as most kids don''t. Yea he hated it and said it scared him, but he hasn''t changed any of his behaviours/addiction. Maybe he needs to be a few days to get the real deal.     Edited by Beach, 2016-05-05 22:05:36"

He needs something tougher than BCC for 6 hours. I mean Headingly for a year. Obviously, he has to be charged with something to go there.  
 
So mom, let go of the strings a bit tell him as I said before he only has so much time to clean up his act, or you are kicking him out. Sounds like everyone is miserable at your home, with him out of there things might get better. Pay his first months rent and tell him he his on his own...let him go through the process of eviction if he doesn't have a job or money for the next months rent.  
 
I am not going to read your whole post again, but I think you said you went through his phone? Did you get any names, evidence of drug transactions? If you did, get them to the police.