Discussions

Is this situation considered (a form of/or) parental alienation...The kids involved live with their mother an hour away from their father. They were staying with their father every second weekend and/or long weekends, most of last summer holidays Christmas break and spring break. Due to the kids "not coping well with seeing their father on this schedule, more luxuries when with him and having to travel to see him", the visits have been reduced to twice a week (not weekends) 4 hours in the afternoon or 4 hours into the late evening (weather permitting) and only in their town. The father's work hours are not flexible and often unpredictable to work with this visitation schedule. Both mother and father understand this. As it states on their divorce papers the mother has sole custody and the father has "reasonable access as they both agree".No legal schedule has been drawn up, just the schedule as mother sees fit. The father is never late or short on child support payments. Father is trying desperately for quality time with his kids in his home. Mother believes the visits should be limited. Although this discussion maybe used to their detriment should court proceedings need to be taken maybe the voices of ebrandon can shed some reality as third parties.

Are you the parent of the children?  
 
How can a third party help in this manner when the 2 sides are not fully understood or known on a message board?  
 
Bottom line is the children's best interests and keeping a united front with Mom and Dad.

I wrote the discussion as so I could/can get opinions without ebrandoners knowing which side I am on. I am neither the mother or the father but I am directly involved. Simply put, the father went from seeing his kids every second weekend to being allowed 4 hours twice a week. From having them at his home to only going to the kids small town. Reason being the mother feels the kids can't handle weekend parenting with their dad. Both parents will agree the kids want to see their dad, no substantial reasoning as to why the cut back in time alotted has been explained to the father. Communication between mother and father is almost nil. He emails (her preference) calls and texts almost daily and she never responds

time for court and legal rights drawn up. So, mother has changed the visitation, she can pay lawyer fee's to get it done properly.

One thing I'll never understand is why one parent holds the kids back from seeing the other parent if there is nothing unhealthy abut the situation. I wish the father of my kids wanted to have access, sadly with the sole custody to the mom it may be difficult to get the visitation the way he wants it. Hoping for the kids sake the mom realizes it's only hurting them by depriving their father decent access. Good luck to all involved.

The mother will receive free legal representation and the father will not. Money spent on a lawyer is money that could go towards the kids -says the mother. Has anyone successfully filed an affidivit and a motion to vary without a lawyer?  
 
Edited by MindYourOwnBeezWax, 2017-07-16 12:52:07

if dad can afford a lawyer he should get one. If mom is concerned that his money is wasted on the lawyer instead of the kids, well, she has only herself to blame. I suggest that he not listen to her too much as it does not seem she has his best interests at heart. He.should.do what he needs to do to protect his relationship with his kids.

Brenda gave you the best advice. Get a lawyer. There are some excellent lawyers in Brandon that will get this done and done properly. Keep delaying and the Father will be in trouble.

The lawyer we saw asked for a 2500$ retainer then wrote up the most pathetic affidavit that I had to spent 2 hours revising. We got very discouraged by that, because we figure the mother will drag this out for as long as possible. In the end it will likely end up costing a gazillion dollars. Yes the kids are worth it but honestly 5 minutes in front of a judge and he/she will realize the father is a man who loves his kids and is a decent upstanding middle class man who wants his kids in his life as much as possible. Is there a way to have a home assessment done? Mediation didn't work out, in fact each parent only met with the mediator once and the sessions were stopped with no explanation.

Did the mother move the kids an hour away or did the father move? If the children are established in a town in school, I think the courts would lean towards the parent that lives there.

We did a variation without a lawyer and it worked out perfect. We believed that there was no point in Wasting that kind of money when it could go to the kids instead. We looked up the process online and used court of queens bench to help us when we got stuck. Requires lots of documentation and proof

It's pretty clear that you're the new wife/girlfriend of the father in the scenario, so it's probably fair to say there's at least two sides to every story and you're definitely on the side of the father in this story. In Manitoba the default now is joint custody, so there is likely a REASON that the mother of the children has sole custody instead of just primary care and control.  
 
It seems like there is more to this than you're saying, and by saying you're directly involved..... Maybe you shouldn't be if this is a fairly new situation.

I have been with him for 2 years. He moved from the very small town so he could find decent employment to support 3 kids. Yes the kids should live with their mom because they are established there and are safe and happy there. Other than her lack of communication and holding the kids back from coming to Brandon she is a good mom. The reason she has sole custody is a very long story...lets just say his life has totally changed (for the better) since the divorce papers were signed. She had no problem having the kids come to stay with him here and now shes changed her mind with very little explanation. It seems more so she has a grudge about the past and isn't looking at the present and the future. Joint custody is the ultimate goal. Until then he'd be happy to have them back to weekend visits and some kind of communication. Yes there are 2 sides to every story and he is not discrediting her side.I started this discussion in hopes that the mother would read it and possibly start to understand it's about whats best for the kids - having 2 loving perfectly capable parents both spend quality time with them. I also want him to see that there are other parents that have dealt with all this and there's hope.

Check your private messages. Thank you to all the others that have spoken with me privately.