Discussions

Honestly I can't believe I am even wasting my time with this post, but all I came here to say is: think about your kids. My parents divorced because of this very situation, it literally destroyed my life. Even till today, this many years later I am still effected. All for what? 20 minutes of passion? I could go on and on, but i won't because my time is more valuable than this post. Just stop thinking about yourself and think about the kids you decided to have and to raise and to love.

Just sounds like you are making a post hoping women will respond and sleep with you if you want it so bad leave her and go get what you want I’m sure someone else will be happy to replace you

If you want to have sex with someone else than leave your wife first or ask her for an open marriage. Nobody is going to give you permission to cheat. In the end it will ruin relationships with your wife and kids. I just found out the reason my parents divorced (20 years ago) was because my dad cheated and what was already a strained relationship is now done.

If you aren’t getting what you need from your marriage you need to end your marriage, not being another in. You will end up with a messy divorce and kids who may not ever forgive you. Mature respectable adults don’t cheat on their spouse, they fix the marriage or the end the marriage. Life is short, everyone should spend it happy, so if your wife can’t give you what you need, end it, then look for someone new.

Romance or being romantic is not about sex.

Sorry that there is no romance after marriage but that is the reality of marriage. I have many older friends, similar to my age, and we all say the same thing, there is no romance after our wives say I DO. You will have to learn to adjust and adapt because it won’t get any better with your current wife or if you decide to leave and look elsewhere. It will be the same. For the sake of the kids, please try to work things out, the only one to benefit from a marriage split is your lawyers bank account. I wish you luck.

You’re screen name is the opposite of what you seem to be. You should never consider cheating on your significant other just because you need more sex. I’m guessing she’s like most other women and this would destroy her. You have a very good chance of a divorce if you go through with it. Seek out a marriage councillor would be my best advice.

Cheating isn’t the answer if you really are that unhappy or have those feelings either talk to your wife or leave the marriage don’t hurt your wife by cheating. My mom cheated on my dad and I seen how much it tore my dad up and it was worst thing to see. Do the right thing

Take a look at how you can make her life a little easier. If she is like most women she has spent her day making sure that everyone’s needs are met. Whether it is at home with you and the kids or at work, she has spent her day looking after others. Maybe take a look at the bigger picture and ask “how can I take the pressure off”. I guarantee that if you put her and her feelings and needs ahead of your own that your situation will turn around. While you will never probably have the crazy passion back, few seldom do after the first months or years if your lucky, you might find a deeper loving relationship right at home.

I agree there are lots of marriages where the romance and even the sex dry up after the first flush of marriage. In my first marriage I dreamed of spending time together being warm and intimate. I dreamed of laughing and tickling and being playful and I dreamed of cuddling in bed leading and any and all of those things leading to more. I dreamed of having sex at least 3 or 4 times a week or sometimes 2 or 3 times on a lazy Sunday. In bed. Out on a hike. Stopping by the side of a deserted road. That was decades ago and my needs still run that way. I was lucky if I had sex once in nine months. My ex husband appeared to dream of coming home and reaching for a beer and the remote instead of reaching for me. He went bald and developed a huge beer belly and sometimes he didn't smell very nice and I still wanted him just the same but he would berate me for not being as slim as I was when we were first together (and this was after I lost 30 pounds post baby). I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world but I'm not ugly either and I think I'm fairly attractive all in all. I dreamed of talking about our future and what we would do today to have some fun. He liked to sit in front of the game station and play video games for 10 hours at a stretch and yeah, I'm not exaggerating. I'm dreamed of less shift work so we could spend more time together (I worked days and he worked evenings and we had different days off). He moved into another bedroom so he could sleep in till noon and I wouldn't bother him when I got up early in the morning to do the housework and yardwork (and he didn't help with any of it. That's not sexy at all. And I'm not exaggerating about that, any of my friends from that time would be happy to confirm that). I really really wanted it to work. I got married expecting it to be forever. He appeared to not care if it did. One night he came in at 4am and then came into my bedroom to bitch at me about how I looked and he actually said even tho he had gotten bald and fat I was supposed to have stayed slim. It was so ludicrous I actually stated to laugh and told him I wanted a divorce. It just kind of popped out spur of the moment because we had a five year old child but in the morning I still meant it. And so he is an ex. Guys it is not just you that is missing your spouse sometimes. If she's not reaching for you....have you been reaching for her? Or do you just reach when you have one and want her to do something about it? Do you talk and share responsibilities? Have you actually talked to her about wanting her more? Have you tried to find out why she is too tired to want or if she is struggling with something? Wives who are lacking...have you done the same? Have you talked to him or reached out to him to initiate? I sometimes wonder why we stop being kind to the one person we should love the most. Just my two cents on my past experiences. I personally think sex, closeness, intimacy of all kinds, not just sexual, is so important. We put so much of our effort into our jobs, our problems, our responsibilities, our community issues or needs, our parents, our kids. What about us? I have seen so many times, and yes been guilty of it myself too, where the spouse doesn't always get the best of us. Sometimes we can't help that but there are other times we can. Being intimate with my now husband is one of my great joys in life. Even when life gets ugly in other ways, in fact it's even more important then. Life can be too busy and shitty at times and often is but I still treasure every touch and every moment of any kind of intimacy. To the original poster. I never cheated on my ex. I thought about it. Often. There have been times I wished I would have because I missed out on a lot of physical and emotional needs that didn't get filled. At this end of things mostly I am glad I didn't because I treasure my integrity. I wish you a better marriage.

You sound like my first husband. You just want to go have sex with other women. You don't care about your wife, kids or marriage. Doesn't really sound like you put in much effort to fix it either. I feel sorry for your family.  
 
Best years of your life???? What does that even mean?