Discussions

“It's not you: it's me.” Just about everyone I know has heard or even said this line as a way of ending a relationship. The problem is that it often leaves the dumped thinking the exact opposite.  
 
But is there really a way to make a clean and honest break? Can you instant message him or her that it's over, or do you have to do it in person? Is it really possible to be friends with an ex after a breakup? Questions that we all want answered, but in reality those questions are answered differently with every relationship.  
 
Read this before you even think of uttering another cliche breakup line to break the bad news to your soon-to-be ex.  
 
Unlike the human race...all relationships are not created equally.How you handle a breakup has to do with how you experience a relationship. There are no hard and fast rules about what constitutes a relationship. There are people who think they have a relationship with two dates and people who do not think they are in a relationship after 20 dates. Personally if you have gone on one or two or even three dates, not calling the other person is breaking up. But after some kind of sexual encounter it is just a courtesy to call. Sometimes it's easier not to call, and there are people who will just run away...one word comes to mind. COWARD.  
 
Emails should never be used to end a relationship. It’s just lame. Personally if it's a casual encounter or an FWB relationship a text message can be ok, maybe in the end it will go back to a friendship. But I’m too conventional to believe that. I believe a face-to-face or phone contact is a must. It's important to give the other person whom you are ending the relationship with the chance to ask questions and feel the sentiment underneath the words you are trying to express. I think being direct and honest as you can and leaving out the petty arguments is a better idea.  
 
There is always that one question. Can you be friends with your ex? Whether or not two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship. If someone is very much in love and was broken up with and is still forever trying to get back with that person, then having a platonic relationship does not work! If you are still in love with the person and want them back, the best thing to do is go cold turkey! If in your heart you really want to get back together, the best thing to do if the other person is not into the same idea is to get rid of the idea of false hope and go separate ways! Talking every day as “friends” is also a big no-no...that just keeps the wounds and hope open. Sever the cord in all ways! My personal advice you should take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No “let's get together for coffee.” No nothing! You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again. It’s a way to find out who you are when you are not in a relationship.  
 
Something to do after a relationship is keeping in mind 5 things you appreciated that you would like to have in your next relationship and 5 things you would like to avoid. Instead of stalking an ex or making up excuses to call...keep busy with new activities, friends, and other distractions. But most importantly a big favor you owe yourself is to not try to start another relationship for therapeutic affects! It is not fair to yourself or the other person. You can’t medicate your sadness: you have to find a way to deal.