Discussions

I have a lady friend in B.C. that I have a special relationship with. I dated her in high school: she was beautiful then and still is to this day.  
 
The thing is, she came to visit me in November after adding my out of the blue on facebook on October. We hit it off really well on facebook before she came down and that countinued while she was here.  
 
Anyway, long story short, we still talk a lot on facebook and on the phone from time to time. Things in life get to her, as they do with everyone, and sometimes she comes on facebook because she needs to talk to someone. For some reason she won't talk to her friends out there. So I become her "shoulder to cry on".  
 
A couple of nights ago she waited for me to get online and began telling me some of the things that were bothering her. She had been crying and still was while I was chatting with her. As usual, I tried to get her into a happy place but it was difficult... almost impossible. She refused to accept a phone-call which usually puts us both on cloud nine. It was obvious something was very wrong. She kept telling me she wasn't ready to talk about it. So I let it go and coninued the regular chat.  
 
Now, when she was here she was quite proud that she had been going to curves and had lost 10 lbs... She mentioned it several times so I assume she was proud of that. During the chat the other night, she said she was sore from working out as it was the first time she had been to Curves in two weeks due to her business - she had just been too busy. So I asked her if she was still "having fun and losing weight". Not the smartest thing I did that night.  
 
Her response was that she knows I "prefer skinny" and apologized because she will "never be skinny". I tried to tell her that it didn't matter to me, that I have dated several women who aren't skinny and that she was probably being too self-concious.  
 
(Let me state here that if this woman asked me to drop everything and go to B.C., I probably would do it tomorrow. No question.)  
 
Anyway, I dropped it as I knew there was no point in trying to make her see that I wouldn't change anything about her.  
 
The next night, she came on and we chatted again... Near the end of the conversation, she mentioned she might be coming to see me this month (YAY!!!!!!)... also that things were getting to her out there and she needs another break. Then she started going on about hating men - ALL men. I asked her if I was included on that. She said no - because I am not a threat to her, that she feels comfortable with me, that when she is with me it feels like something that has always been - like we have never been apart.  
 
Then the subject of me "preferring skinny" came up again. I told her that it didn't matter to me that she is not - I fell for her as she is, not what I might want her to be. She wouldn't accept that, she kept saying things about me not likng non-skinny women. Yeah, so the conversation ended with her just going off-line without saying good bye. Something obviously upset her. I tried to tell her she is beautiful to me but she would have nothing of that. I texted her the next day and told her she is beautiful, her response was "No, I am fat!"  
 
So yesterday I took her Mom out for our weekly Saturday Bingo at the Crystal and shopping and her Mom told me what was wrong. Some guy had told her she was fat. To be clear, she is NOT fat. She is not skinny (a stick she calls it, lol) but she is definitely not "fat".  
 
So, my question is this ladies:  
 
If you are looking for your guy, or any guy, to give you reassurance, why do you not just come right out and tell us what is wrong?  
 
Had my lady friend told me that some guy had called her fat and that she was upset, I would have probably said the same things but at least I would have known why she was acting the way she was.  
 
I haven't told her that her Mom told me, we just chatted on facebook about an hour prior to this post and she seems okay now...  
 
So yeah, ladies, why do you not just tell us guys what is wrong so we know where you are coming from? Please... give us a break sometimes....  
 
 
 
 
 
Edited by ChrisV, 2011-01-09 15:30:31