Discussions

Lately we have attended many bridal shower and wedding. For that we are thankful- this is my question if I give you a shower gift and or a wedding gift why can't you even send a thank you card.  
In my day you give cards for both. Now I don't even know if you got the money or the gift!!!

if you are fortunate enough to actually receive a thank you card, often it is a pre-printed card with a photo of the couple and nothing added to personalize the card to indicate that they are acknowledging the actual gift you gave them! I want to know they received that specific item they had on their gift registry that I took the time to research, locate and purchase. Too many feel entitled these days...is my opinion...rant over!

This seems to be a thing of the past. That is why I do not give money. I give a cheque.

I'll admit, i was one of those who never sent out Thank you cards after our wedding; after 2 baby showers and a bridal shower, then returning to work two weeks after our wedding and caring for our 1 year old, I just forgot to.

When our niece was married we gave a $100 gift certificate in a card-never got a thank you. Our friends gave them $300 in a card and never got a thank you. We have given other couples sets of bar glasses and money with no thanks. I think it is very rude not to acknowledge gifts received. I don't care if it is "modern" times or not, there is such a thing as common courtesy and manners.

The argument I've heard is that if you gave favours at your wedding, that's the "thank-you". I don't know if that's a valid argument or not, just throwing that out there.  
 
I admit we didn't do thank-you cards for the wedding either (I did for our shower). But in a 3-month span, we discovered we were pregnant, my husband got offered a job in Brandon, we sold our old house, we got married, we bought a new house, I got my job transferred and I got referred for training, my husband started his new job and we packed up and moved. *whew*! By the time we settled down (while both working full time and away from family so no help unpacking/settling/painting, etc) and I actually had a chance to breathe, it was nearly time to have the baby.  
 
Our wedding wasn't huge and I spoke to 90% of the people personally and thanked them for their gift in that time span. So I never judge someone by whether or not they sent cards, because unless we're seeing them day in and day out anyway we don't really know what's going on in their lives.

Everyone is busy these days but that is no excuse for bad manners. If someone went to the trouble or expense of giving a wedding or shower gift it should be acknowledged in writing. If you have enough time to plan and attend multiple showers not to mention spend months or years planning your wedding surely you can find a few hours to send out thank you cards. In my opinion not doing so just makes the recipients appear ungrateful and entitled.

saltnpepper said "This seems to be a thing of the past. That is why I do not give money. I give a cheque. "

does confirm that the couple received your gift but unfortunately does not show their appreciation for same if they do not follow up with a thank you card.

Abby :) said "Everyone is busy these days but that is no excuse for bad manners. If someone went to the trouble or expense of giving a wedding or shower gift it should be acknowledged in writing. If you have enough time to plan and attend multiple showers not to mention spend months or years planning your wedding surely you can find a few hours to send out thank you cards. In my opinion not doing so just makes the recipients appear ungrateful and entitled. "

Well said Abby - there is no excuse for bad manners! Often in addition to the cost of shower and wedding gifts, there is the wedding social and all the expenses involved in supporting that (and I don't even want to get started on my thoughts on the inappropriateness of today's wedding socials) but often there is out-of-town travel involved which then i:ncludes the cost of gas and possibly a hotel room. Yes, I agree with you Abby, no thank you cards makes recipients appear ungrateful and entitled.  
 
Edited by Grandmama, 2016-07-03 17:06:21

I am sure the ones that did send out thankyou cards were just as busy.

Grandmama said "    saltnpepper said "This seems to be a thing of the past. That is why I do not give money. I give a cheque. " does confirm that the couple received your gift but unfortunately does not show their appreciation for same if they do not follow up with a thank you card. "

But at least I knew they received the money.

when they put a Thank You in their local town newspaper. Well, I don't get your local town newspaper, so I had better get a written thank you. I have taken it upon myself, if I have given a very big gift or huge sum of money to wait the appropriate time. If I get no thank you card, I phone them up! It does embarrass them, but at that point I don't care.  
 
My husband and I sat down together in one night to do thank you cards...he addressed envelopes, I wrote out the thank you! Done and over. There was actually one lady that contributed to three different organizations and she got three thank you cards per her organization.  
 
My mamma raised me right

Any of the weddings or wedding showers I've attended, the couple or the bride (shower) thank everyone for attending and for the gifts they received. As far as I'm concerned, that's enough acknowledgement for me.  
 
Any time we've given a gift to anyone, personal or wedding related, I never expect a thank you card in return. I/we give the gift because we want to, and we don't feel the need to be acknowledged. We know any recipients of our gifts are thankful. If we're giving a gift, it's either a close friend/relative, certainly not someone who's "entitled."  
 
If they were someone who wasn't close or entitled, why would I waste time and energy giving them a gift in the first place?  
 
I don’t need the extra stress of keeping track of whether or not I received a thank you card. My days are full enough as it is...lol.

When my husband and I got married (almost 6 years ago), we did not have a social or shower. We did not say presentation only or register anywhere. After the wedding, we wrote thank-you cards together. The cards said 'thank you' on the front and were blank inside, where we thanked people for their gifts, or thanked people for their monetary gift and said what we planned to do with the money, thanked those who travelled for the wedding, and thanked those who helped set up for the wedding. We included a wedding photo inside as well. We are both busy people, but making time to thank those who came and celebrated with us was a priority!

I appreciate a thank you card but don't get upset if I don't receive one.  
 
Some announce at the wedding or shower that in lieu of thank yous (cost of cards and stamps) they will make a donation to children's wish, cancer care or another deserving charity. A thank you in the local paper suffices in our small towns explaining that and for those that are not in community and don't receive paper possibly a thank you to them.

Sorry but too busy doesn't cut it for me. Make the time, people have spent a lot of money on you - be grateful and show them you are grateful.  
 
I know some have done an email instead of a card, which I think is fine since the price of stamps is crazy. But it is important to make an hour or two in your schedule to say thanks

If you were able to plan a wedding, you are able to sit down and spend one day writing thank you cards. That is just another part of the whole wedding experience. You can even start them a head of time, do up envelopes....so a few don't give gift, chuck the envelope. But I personally do not know anyone who went to a wedding and did not give some kind of gift, big or small.

Five stars top job someone who knows how to appreciate people

I have recently put on a baby shower and a wedding shower, I buy the thank you cards and when each person arrived I had them write there address on the envelope. I pre stamped each one of them. I find this continues and teaches the tradition of good etiquette. Help these young people learn good manners that have somehow been forgotten .

Noni Little said "I have recently put on a baby shower and a wedding shower, I buy the thank you cards and when each person arrived I had them write there address on the envelope. I pre stamped each one of them. I find this continues and teaches the tradition of good etiquette. Help these young people learn good manners that have somehow been forgotten . "

Our little post office will deliver an envelope with just our first names on them.  
 
There are also a couple of post offices not that far away that won''t deliver them without a post box number. If you phone post office they won''t give you a box number because of confidentiality. They are not big post offices and with the amount of snail mail being processed today there is no excuse not to deliver them.  
 
Some of the youth beef groups and 4-H clubs have i:ncluded thank-you cards with their prizes for them to send out. Parents responsibility to make them send them.  
 
Edited by oldcowgirl, 2016-07-04 09:58:27

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Edited by Seana-T, 2016-07-04 10:01:21

For my shower anyone who did not live in the community, helped or was a friend/relative got a thank you card. A donation was made to the community as a thank you, which was mentioned in the community newspaper. There were some people I did not know well so I would not be able to get their address, hence the newspaper ad. The shower was more of a gathering for the ladies of the community and gifts were not demanded.  
For people who did multiple things or gave from multiple organizations, I wrote a thank you for everything all in one card for each of them. I figured if writing seperate cards for the same person, one card might get lost in the mail and then the person would have thought that I didn't remember the other things they did.  
 
Anyone who attended the wedding got a thank you card with a wedding photo on it, which was part of the package deal from the photographer we hired.