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I need time away and this is being stereotypical so not everybody but seems most men need more and women less.  
 
But even my wife needs time away from the kids and me.

Time of course is needed ... I'm more doing a poll on weekends or days

I have one child with my husband of 8 years. Yes, sometimes I need time away. I believe time to myself makes me a better mom and wife. Even if it''s supper out with a friend It''s me time. My favourite thing is spending time with my family but I think it''s very healthy to take time away both solo and as just the couple. We have ''couple friends'' that we hang out with abs we have separate friends that we hang out with without the other spouse. I think it makes our relationship and family stronger. My daughter gets to spend time with her dad instead of just me all the time and I get to fulfill my role of ''woman'' or ''friend''. We realized early on in our relationship that we couldn''t spend every waking minute together or we would fight over silly things. Give him space and take time for yourself...shop, get a massage, go for a walk regardless of day of the week so long as it works for you both.  
 
Edited by umi1316, 2016-06-25 06:30:56

With 2 kids. I have never wanted time away from my family. Same goes with my wife. We have always done everything together and now with kids makes it even better. Family's do things together. We are each other's best friends

Those saying they never want time away from their family are you meaning that literally as in your kids go with you to get your hair done, fishing, shopping, 'girls/guys trips' etc. I love my family more than anything but some things are easier to do without bringing a kid along so now I'm rethinking my answer. I have never been away for more than an overnight so I do think there is a major difference between wanting time alone to do things for a few hours every so often or being away twice a week every week. I'm currently a stay-at-home mom so maybe that makes a difference too.

Stays home and balances university. I work full time. When I come home we do family stuff. Play and go for walks. We have never had a "guys night or girls night. We have done the odd grocery shop while they visited grandmas but we mostly take them with us for that too.

standupguy said "Stays home and balances university. I work full time. When I come home we do family stuff. Play and go for walks. We have never had a "guys night or girls night. We have done the odd grocery shop while they visited grandmas but we mostly take them with us for that too. "

you have a very lucky wife. My boyfriend kinda goes off when hunting season starts, and does the "me time" during that - not saying I like it though! I have lots of "me time" while he works and is on call 24/7.

Young people need to stop thinking of parenthood and relationships as part time jobs or hobbies. Both are your responsibility, you don't get "time off". "Daddy needs time off"!! Nice message to your partner and your children. Better still, grow up and deal with whatever is causing you to think you need to walk away, oh, for just a bit of time.

Some do say they need breaks but the majority say what I figured. I'm the younger parent that says she takes time off to be with her family and the older one saying a break is needed.  
 
I agree though. Family should be first. If the one wants to take the kid/kids somewhere, and the other does not want to go. That's different. But to ask for the other spouse to leave once in awhile for the one to have time alone. Bit much.  
 
But I'm just a woman so I don't understand ot get it

Daphne said "Young people need to stop thinking of parenthood and relationships as part time jobs or hobbies. Both are your responsibility, you don't get "time off". "Daddy needs time off"!! Nice message to your partner and your children. Better still, grow up and deal with whatever is causing you to think you need to walk away, oh, for just a bit of time. "

Wow! First off, you have no flippin' idea how old any of us are so please don't make assumptions based on age (I know some crappy middle-aged parents too). Get off your high horse please. If you knew me even a little bit you would know I am the most dedicated, loving mom and me allowing my daughter spend to time alone with her dad while I go out for supper with a friend once every 4 months is not selfish or being a bad parent. So, you grow up and tell me that you (if you're even a parent) spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with your kid. I don't think anyone is saying there is a time they don't wish they have the family they do or that they wish they were single but it''''s not a crime to play other roles in life (friend, employee, painter etc). Don't assume you know other members by a few words on a page. I don't know why we bother trying to start an honest, non-judgemental adult discussion...  
 
Edited by Umi1316, 2016-06-25 10:35:20

Umi1316 said "    Daphne said "Young people need to stop thinking of parenthood and relationships as part time jobs or hobbies. Both are your responsibility, you don't get "time off". "Daddy needs time off"!! Nice message to your partner and your children. Better still, grow up and deal with whatever is causing you to think you need to walk away, oh, for just a bit of time. " Wow! First off, you have no flippin' idea how old any of us are so please don't make assumptions based on age (I know some crappy middle-aged parents too). Get off your high horse please. If you knew me even a little bit you would know I am the most dedicated, loving mom and me allowing my daughter spend to time alone with her dad while I go out for supper with a friend once every 4 months is not selfish or being a bad parent. So, you grow up and tell me that you (if you're even a parent) spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with your kid. I don't think anyone is saying there is a time they don't wish they have the family they do or that they wish they were single but it''''s not a crime to play other roles in life (friend, employee, painter etc). Don't assume you know other members by a few words on a page. I don't know why we bother trying to start an honest, non-judgemental adult discussion...     Edited by Umi1316, 2016-06-25 10:35:20"

I could not have said it better - I totally agree. Seems alot of negative nellies just come to eBrandon to complain and attack the members who dare post. It is odd how alot of people think they know us just by the few comments we make. Thanks for saying what you think. Great come back! And you do need a break too- you don't need anyones permission.  
 
Now watch the attackers come at me again . . . lol - make my day!

As I type this I am  
Having "alone time" my husband and I are very active and busy with kid sports , work etc during the week.  
We always do some sort of family thing on the weekend.  
That said. We need quiet time as well. Husband had to go and do errands and took  
The kids with him. Guess who is enjoying and restoring themselves? This gal.  
I loved having quality alone time with each parent as well as family time growing up as a kid myself. Lots of bonding time with each parent alone is great, just balance it out.  
 
Life is busy. Make time for yourself. Even if it's only an hr while  
The partner runs to Home Depot lol

Umi1316 said "    Daphne said "Young people need to stop thinking of parenthood and relationships as part time jobs or hobbies. Both are your responsibility, you don't get "time off". "Daddy needs time off"!! Nice message to your partner and your children. Better still, grow up and deal with whatever is causing you to think you need to walk away, oh, for just a bit of time. " Wow! First off, you have no flippin' idea how old any of us are so please don't make assumptions based on age (I know some crappy middle-aged parents too). Get off your high horse please. If you knew me even a little bit you would know I am the most dedicated, loving mom and me allowing my daughter spend to time alone with her dad while I go out for supper with a friend once every 4 months is not selfish or being a bad parent. So, you grow up and tell me that you (if you're even a parent) spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with your kid. I don't think anyone is saying there is a time they don't wish they have the family they do or that they wish they were single but it''''s not a crime to play other roles in life (friend, employee, painter etc). Don't assume you know other members by a few words on a page. I don't know why we bother trying to start an honest, non-judgemental adult discussion...     Edited by Umi1316, 2016-06-25 10:35:20"

I am entitled to call it as I see it. When the OP said time off, I'm thinking more than a supper out with his buds. Every one deserves a bit of a break. Not how I would describe "time off" so you can climb done from your pulpit. I am sure you're a great Mom, so why so defensive?

Great advice from Liam Neeson!  
"They say the hardest thing in the world is losing someone you love. Someone you grew old with and watched grow everyday. Someone who showed you how to love. It's the worst thing to ever happen to anyone. My wife died unexpectedly. She brought me so much joy. She was my everything. Those 16 years of being her husband taught me how to love unconditionally. We have to stop and be thankful for our spouses. Because, life is very short. Spend time with your spouses. Treat them well. Because, one day, when you look up from your phone, they won't be there anymore. What I truly learned most of all is, live and love everyday like it's your last. Because, one day, it will be. Take chances and go live life. Tell the ones you love, that you love them everyday. Don't take any moment for granted. Life is worth living.”

Love it when he takes off the the lake for the weekend and I don't go. I am hurrying him out the door, complete house clean and then the rest of the weekend I don't have to do cleaning, cooking, etc. Everyone needs a break and any relationship should be able to survive a few days away from each other.  
 
I go through this again during two hunting seasons.  
 
He gets to do his hobbies and I get my time - great for people to be able to still do what they like and have time for themelves.

What if the girl always has the kids and never gets the "break" .. Or never do anything family related with their spouse, unless they go alone with their kid alone? Yet someone still needs a "break" Seems a bit weird. But what do I know?

Mine works long hours, so the weekends and evenings are usually dedicated to spending time with each other because I have a boy who misses his daddy. A couple times a month though, he will go have drinks with the guys and watch sports - or whatever. I encourage it. We both get a little stir crazy if we spend too much time at home and get too wrapped up in everything else that we forget to take an evening to ourselves. He encourages it as well, if I want to run errands kid free or go out for dinner, hey sometimes I just go hang out at my Mom's for an hour and have coffee. He is totally supportive. There is two questions you need to ask: Is it excessive? and Does he allow you to have the same "alone" time? There is a line that needs not be crossed, and that's going out every night or all weekend. To me, that's excessive and would be a deal breaker.

If he's the only one who gets "alone" time while you're stuck at home with the kids, that's not okay.

Everyone needs a break now and then, and as long as it's not one sided with one person always holding down the fort it's healthy.  
 
I have my own interests, and encourage hubby to take some me time as well. I even take trips without hubby. We have trips together, but I also like to take off with my own friends. Some people don't understand that, but as I have matured I've found that having my own separate interests actually reinforces my sense of self, makes me happier and appreciate my husband more.  
 
I find that among my friends, those couples who are never or rarely apart, don't have great capacity to function outside their relationship, and often have codependency issues.

My apologies Daphne, I took it as you speaking to those of us who need me time and get defensive when people categorize younger parents differently than older ones. To the OP: I don't think it's fair that your spouse gets his alone time if you don't. I think you deserve some time to do what you enjoy or to do some pampering here and there. As was already established its not as though you can do this all the time: nor should he expect to be away from his family a ton. I would suggest being honest with him about how you feel and compromise if you can. Could you set aside a time slot you're both comfortable with to have this time? Like once a month or what have you. I think you need to both agree on how long he is to be gone (hours or days) and how often.

on-second-thought said "Everyone needs a break now and then, and as long as it's not one sided with one person always holding down the fort it's healthy.     I have my own interests, and encourage hubby to take some me time as well. I even take trips without hubby. We have trips together, but I also like to take off with my own friends. Some people don't understand that, but as I have matured I've found that having my own separate interests actually reinforces my sense of self, makes me happier and appreciate my husband more.     I find that among my friends, those couples who are never or rarely apart, don't have great capacity to function outside their relationship, and often have codependency issues. "

Thank you! This is what I was trying to say. I completely agree and am in the same boat. My hubby and I realized early on that we still need to be us as individuals. Having a kid comes first but when time allows its so important to do self-care too.

MissMechanic said "What if the girl always has the kids and never gets the "break" .. Or never do anything family related with their spouse, unless they go alone with their kid alone? Yet someone still needs a "break" Seems a bit weird. But what do I know? "

That''s a different situation. It not necessarily about the break, its about the balance. I would suggest discussing it with your spouse and try to come up with a plan that makes you both happy.  
 
I used to feel like this (in a previous marriage), and looking back it was because I didn''t address the issue straight on. I went from passive aggressive, to blowing up. It poisoned my relationship.  
 
Good luck.  
 
Edited by on-second-thought, 2016-06-25 13:31:59

Some of you need to relax a bit. First of all every individual is different and most people need time to themselves, whether it's an hour a month or a couple hours a day. Having time for yourself is healthy. What isn't healthy however is being so dependant on some one that you aren't OK with them spending time alone. Could the person wanting to be alone a sign of a damaged relationship? Sure can, but it could also mean they just need time to themselves. Either way trying to force them to spend time with you isn't going to help. There is no one way for all. You need to figure out the state of the relationship (talk to eachother) yourself and figure out if it's a warning sign. Usually when some one wants time to themselves they probably just want to do something either you don't like or they find less enjoyable doing it with you. All comes down to an individuals personality.

OP I am wondering how your Poll is coming along? Are you measuring the "Attitudes" - Perspectives? - I am curious to learn more about your process.  
 
I love information gathering as well. Thank you for opening this discussion.

Is there an event that he wants to go to, with a group of men, fishing, etc? Or is he going away by himself and will not tell you where?

It sounds odd.  
 
I am a woman and I fall on the side of yes, people do need some individual time. I enjoy it if the hubby goes out of town on business for a few nights. The bed is all yours, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I do the odd girls day where we go to Winnipeg shopping or something.  
 
What you are describing now sounds very odd. Going out with friends, sure. Going out drinking, sure, but the addition of needing to spend the night away too just seems off.  
 
Clearly there is a communication issue in your relationship, whether you are smothering him by wanting to be together all the time, or he has issues he will not speak to you about.  
 
Maybe counselling is in order. Can't really guess as we only have one side of this story. If you can't speak openly to each other about the issue, it will not get better.

Normal: Getting out with the guys or girls for a night out, but letting your partner know where you are going, and making sure you are available to contact if needed.  
 
Not normal: Telling your partner that you need a night out, but that you can't know where they are going or have no way of contacting them if needed.  
 
We all need time to ourselves once in a while, away from the wife/husband or kids, etc. Whether that be a couple hours just to do some shopping, or getting out and having a good time with friends. If you are in a committed relationship, I don't understand why there would be any need to be away from your partner and not allow any contact at all. That just screams that they are doing something inappropriate. I guess that is one way to tell if you are in a truly committed, long term relationship. Those desires to be away from a person no longer exist when you are with someone that you can have a meaningful, long lasting relationship with.

sazk21 said "Some of you need to relax a bit. First of all every individual is different and most people need time to themselves, whether it's an hour a month or a couple hours a day. Having time for yourself is healthy. What isn't healthy however is being so dependant on some one that you aren't OK with them spending time alone. Could the person wanting to be alone a sign of a damaged relationship? Sure can, but it could also mean they just need time to themselves. Either way trying to force them to spend time with you isn't going to help. There is no one way for all. You need to figure out the state of the relationship (talk to eachother) yourself and figure out if it's a warning sign. Usually when some one wants time to themselves they probably just want to do something either you don't like or they find less enjoyable doing it with you. All comes down to an individuals personality. "

What I was going to say.  
 
Hubby and I are so freaking compatible we should not work on paper(you know, like two YIngs instead of a Ying and Yang) - we have the same political views, views on marriage, child raising, manners, etc. But everyone has one or two things that they like to do that the spouse does not. Hubby loves scuba, I hate it. I tried it thinking I might like it, turns out I am seriously clausterphobic under water. He is a bit pissed that we cannot do it together, but I figure it is his thing and I will not stop him from perusing that hobby on his own (if we can afford it that is).  
 
That said, the old add-age "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I believe. I enjoy hubby going away on business once in a while. You get the bed to yourself, you can stay in sweatpants all day if you want, just lay back and chill.  
 
If you are always together, how can you spice up the love life or do anything spontaneous to surprise them?  
 
Not knowing more that what is said here (one side of a story), it does sound like there is a dependancy issue and lack of communication going on. Maybe he has been asking for an hour for himself for so long and she is just not listening so he is getting more frustrated. The communication door does swing both ways though.....  
 
My guess is counselling is in order.